I always think that it is funny how we renew our dating relationships with people who may have forgotten to appreciate us, or they may have stepped out on us. We renew our wedding vows or renew our insurance policies, but we neglect the importance of renewing the most important relationship of all.


I attended the Full Gospel Regional Summit this weekend and they were having intercessory prayer. It looked like an amazing experience; it looked like an amazing experience, but I wasn't there. It seemed that in the middle of prayer and the praise, I was a blank canvas or an unrehearsed actor. This was probably the lowest point for me in my journey to find my way back to God. I was actually jealous of how one with God my fellow (I'm in tears writing this) my fellow worshippers were in praying and giving God glory. I just never felt this far away from Him. I know He's right there waiting for me, but I know this time mere words won't do it.


A good friend of mine, with the uncanny gift to keep it real and bring conviction without judgment; anyway she said in Sunday school, "There is no time for excuses," she said this and she is absolutely right. I have made enough excuses in my life and these past two years of being spiritually depressed, "sinning". unhappy with the church, displeased with church folk, and having no inimate time with the Lord; there is no time for excuses.


I'm at a road block, but I can't continue my life this way. Anybody ever felt this way? Please be real with me! I need to encounter God in a great way and I need to renew my relationship with Him. I need to really pray to see God's face and to meet the Lord where I first found Him; humbled, repented, and in need of a Lord and Savior.


I'm confident that I will find a way to Him and I will Renew my relationship with God. I believe that I'm being confident in this very thing that He that has begun a good work in me will perform until the day of Jesus Christ. (Philippians 1:6).


I also believe that although I've let all the church hurts and my falling into temptation has brought me to this place, but I know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28).

Tonight on Amongst Friends the Online Radio Show for the Grown and Sexy, we were discussing the Sex Drive for the Man and when it DECLINES, and the conversation was HOT!!! It got me to thinking in the moments when I'm not in the mood; like I had a desire for it and then something happens or something is said and BAM I lose it! I hate when I lose it too because it just seems like it is not a happy place for either parties involved.

If so happen my future wife is reading this I'm hoping you gain some insight into what increases my sex drive and what hinders it or decreases it. In other words or in this context; what puts me in the mood and what takes me out of the mood.

When it comes to me and being in the mood it is 40 percent physical and 60% mental. I translate just about everything into rational thought, reasoning, mental creativity, fantasy, mental stimulation/gratification, and pleasure for both people. Yes most times all of this is going on in my head.

The physical is important too! If something doesn't feel good and my mind can't replace it with a rational thought or a mental stimulating/pleasurable feeling; I will more than likely get out of the mood.

I feel like I'm just rambling, but I really spend a lot of time inside my head. I'm always daydreaming, fantasizing, dreaming, creating, thinking, communicating, or something; so it shouldn't come as a surprise that getting me in the mood or taking me out of the mood involves my mind.

Most times I'm out if the communication is off or something bugs me out. Like if I'm taken out of my pleasure mode, I lose it completely.

I will have to talk more about this later. I'm sleepy and rambling on and on lol.

John 3:16- For God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten Son. That whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but will have everlasting life.

There is not a friend like Jesus. He gave his life for me and no one else has ever come close to doing something so great for me and expect nothing in return.

I've searched all over and couldn't find no one like Jesus. Even if I was to literally search all over the world; I wouldn't find one friend who would love me the way Jesus Christ does.

He loves me just the way I am and loves me unconditionally. Who do you know will love you unconditionally, with no strings attached?

"There is not a friend like the lowly Jesus, no not one, no not one. None else can heal all my souls diseases, no not one, no not one. Jesus knows (MY GOD) Jesus knows all about each and everyone of my struggles. (Thank You Jesus)." This is a song sang in the church. I did not write this song.

I love Jesus and I thank Him for loving me and being my Friend.

Forgive us of our sins and save our souls.

These eyes tell wonderful lies with truth included, but with the numbing anesthetic that blinds you to the truth they tell. They say the eyes are the windows to the soul and yet you see only what you want to see and not all that they are showing you. I only begun to understand the complex nature of what is transferred to your mind through the eyes; what is communicated when it comes to the things of love.

You look and you see she's smiling up at you and that smile confirms the love and security she feels with you. Your eyes show you that she is also in turmoil. Your eyes show you that she is happy to be in your arms, but they show you that she is distant. You ignore all the truth that lies beneath the lies of her truth telling eyes; never wondering if the truth lies underneath the surface of what isn't being seen by your mind or your heart.

I don't want to be deceived again. Yet I follow the eyes that look for the beauty and the eye that searches for the physical pleasures of her body. Once again I fear that I will be destroyed by the truthful lies of the eyes and the story they tell. I don't know if you've ever been destroyed from the inside out by the lies but the truth hurts even more...

so do I desire the truth, the lies, or the truth that lies inside your beautiful eyes???

I don't know why I always forget how awesome it is to read. I read all the time, but when I really sit down and read for enjoyment it is like I'm in a whole new world. I enjoy reading fiction and I love to read when people are creating from nothing.

Last week I read two books in three days a piece:

Darius Jones by Mary B. Morrison.

&

Whoreson by Donald Goines

These two books were so good that I read Whoreson in one day and Darius Jones in two days.

Right now I'm reading:

Alice Walker You Can't Keep a Good Woman Down and A Touch of Dead by Charlaine Harris.

I really hope Charlaine Harris comes out with more Sookie Stackhouse Novels and Stephaine Myers comes out with more Twilight Books.

It has been a while since I have blogged. It has been even longer since my last So... post. I had almost forgot how amazing it was for me to have a reoccuring post just to ramble on and on about whatever I wanted. That is the beauty of blogging on your own, you can do what you want.

So it has been quite some time since I've blogged and to be honest there is a lot going on. The main thing that I've truly been excited about is doing this online radio show with my friends. The show is called Amongst Friends and I posted some links about the show on my blogsite so check it out. Anyway I'm very excited about this show and working with four awesome people. They really don't know how important they are to me and how they pour into my life each time we get to have a conversation on the show or in person. www.blogtalkradio.com/amongstfriends.

So in other news I'm single once again, but this time around it wasn't as sad when things finally came to an end. Yes I'm sad because I've "failed" once again lol, but sad because I just feel like things didn't have to ever be that way. I don't know journal how to finish this dating race so to speak, but I'm learning daily there is no cookie cutter way to date and move to marriage. I starting to believe that it is a unique journey for everyone that wants to embark on it. The one thing I do know is that you have to seek God daily on this journey. Will I quit dating you say? Nope because I know what I want. But I will change the way I've been dating and "try" whew the key word is try to wait until I'm married to have sex.

So speaking on that last point I really do want to get my spiritual life together. I want a deeper relationship with Christ and I truly want to serve him with everything I have. A huge part of that is honoring God with my body and doing what He says is right. I want to have sex and I want to be married. So why not wait until the two come together (No pun intended LOL). I've been battling with my spirituality for a long time and I don't want to keep playing around with God's grace and mercy. I also want to exercise self-control.

So...