I'm really truly happy that I am going to be marrying my best friend and the love of my life. I honestly can't thank God enough for sending me such an incredibly beautiful woman in my life, a woman who loves me for me, and who is also very much in love with me.
She loves me with all my flaws. She doesn't hide me from those close to her and she embraces me even to the people that don't matter.
However,
The closer that I get to the point of being married the more afraid I become. It isn't that I am getting cold feet, but rather it is the feeling of failure that scares me the most. I thought I had moments of being alone before; the alone I felt then compares nothing to the alone I feel now. It really appears that I have no one EARTHLY to turn to to talk about this overwhelming anxiety I feel. I hear only that things are going to be ok or "God has prepared you for this moment," or it's just natural.
None of these things are a comfort for me and I honestly would rather have someone jam a stick in my ear and burst my ear drum or be confined in a room full of sneezing, smelly, homeless people than for one more person to tell me I'm going to be ok.
I didn't realize the responsibility and the mantle I would have to carry. I understand now why Paul said in the Bible that when you become a man you must speak and act like one and put away childish things. A child can't walk in this responsibility and be sane.
I just wish other married men or some man in general that understands this fear of not being able to care for you family, or fear of failing them on a spiritual level, fear of failing them on a financial level; someone just open up and be real with me. I trust God and I know he will prepare me, but for someone to be transparent with me and show some darn empathy would be mighty helpful.
I am Sick of all these self-righteous idiots running around quoting scriptures and flaunting religion like it is a sexy masturbatory aide. I need some real Christian men to just talk to me about this transition from singleness to marriage; discuss in detail their fears, and stop letting me drown in this ocean.
I know I'm not going to fail and with Christ nothing is impossible. Please don't lecture me I have had enough professors. I just need someone to talk real with me and be transparent.
The Closer I get to you the more I see my flaws. The good thing about all this though is that I'm learning that I need Christ more and more.
The Closer I Get To You
Joseph is a Licensed Graduate Social Worker in the Washington, DC area. Joseph is the author of the forthcoming book “Love Me Right or Not at All”, A Quick Guide to Loving Yourself and Others the Healthy Way. This book seeks to assist everyone who reads it to love with balance and give love to the right people. Joseph is striving to become an expert in the practice of relationship empowerment. He strives to build healthy, powerful, and well-balanced relationships in the lives of everyone who seeks after the knowledge, values, and skills Joseph has honed over the last ten years. Joseph is an aspiring Marriage and Family Therapist, but to also travel around the nation and hopefully the world, to spread the message that relationships can be simple, yet amazing if you put in the work. Relationships are vital to the human experience and often shape our mindsets, our personalities, and our environments. Knowing this, Joseph works to encourage not only those who believe in his skills, but also works passionately to build his knowledge and skills in the area of relationships to present the best of who he is both personally and professionally.
3 comments:
"quoting scriptures and flaunting religion like it is a sexy masturbatory aide."
This statement was probably the most amazing thing I've ever read, it not only made me laugh, but it made me think as well. I think people have no clue about the real reason for religion.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I wonder if someone can truly love you fully even with your flaws. I think that this is the reason that relationships die. People don't want to love one another for who they are, but they rather love someone for who they want them to be.
I LOVE YOU AS A MOTHER....I CAN NOT ADVISE Y0U ON MAN THINGS BUT I NO THAT YOU ARE A GREAT MAN,,FRIEND, AND SON...YOU HAVE PREPARED FOR THE DAY AND YOU WILL BE A GREAT PROVIDER, HUSBAND AND FATHERL....I WILL HUG YOU HOLD YOUR HAND AND BE BY YOUR SIDE AS YOU MOTHER....LOVE IS BEAUTIFUL AND BEING IN LOVE IS THE GREATEST LOVE GIVEN US....MOTHERS LOVE
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