I was once in love with a woman that only loved me for what I can do for her. She loved me until she got the one she wanted. I couldn't be mad at her though because the truth is I was using her to escape the pain I was feeling. To numb my pain with what she could offer lustfully and through a strained and painful relationship. Her love and her body was my medication for extreme depression and hatred.
I was in love with a married women. Though we were never intimate or sexually intimate I was in love with the idea of being in love with her. I was lesd to believe the marriage never was real and that it dissolved, but I knew deep down something was amiss. I wanted to be loved by someone and why not the person I was crushing on for so long. But the guilt and shame I felt and the reminder that so many people have been hurt because of adulterous relationships; this relationship was killing me and I resolved to end it, but couldn't because I was in love with the idea of someone being in love with me and wanting to marry me. It ended of course when I found out the marriage was in fact real, but man did it hurt. I'm so ashamed of this and it kills me even to this day. I hate myself deeply for this for loving another man's wife. I know God has forgiven me, but the darkness still burns and it is forever etched within my heart. The hurt is still fresh.
I was in love and I loved a woman who couldn't truly be with me. I loved her so much I was willing to forsake all others and give my life, my mind, body, and soul to her. To devote my all. She was to be my second whole and I hers. To be my help mate and the lover I craved endlessly. I was in love with being in love, especially being in love with her. I wanted her to be my Eve and I wanted to create a Garden of Eden with her. The tears burn as they stain my face and bleed from my eyes. I still love her, but I had to let her go or she had to let me go. The lines are so blurry. I still love her, but...
I was in love with the lust of this world and it nearly destroyed who I am and what I have the potential of becoming.
Love hurts and Hurt Loved.
Hurt Loved
Joseph is a Licensed Graduate Social Worker in the Washington, DC area. Joseph is the author of the forthcoming book “Love Me Right or Not at All”, A Quick Guide to Loving Yourself and Others the Healthy Way. This book seeks to assist everyone who reads it to love with balance and give love to the right people. Joseph is striving to become an expert in the practice of relationship empowerment. He strives to build healthy, powerful, and well-balanced relationships in the lives of everyone who seeks after the knowledge, values, and skills Joseph has honed over the last ten years. Joseph is an aspiring Marriage and Family Therapist, but to also travel around the nation and hopefully the world, to spread the message that relationships can be simple, yet amazing if you put in the work. Relationships are vital to the human experience and often shape our mindsets, our personalities, and our environments. Knowing this, Joseph works to encourage not only those who believe in his skills, but also works passionately to build his knowledge and skills in the area of relationships to present the best of who he is both personally and professionally.
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