I absolutely despise you!
The very center of my core is on fire and burning with a dangerous and deadly hatred that erupts the desire to see you harmed.
Unable to bring myself to cause you such pain; hot boiling tears erupt and burn my face and destroy my pride. I'm full of embarrassment and anger because I'm crying. The more tears of anger I shed, the more the hurt resurfaces and I find myself wishing that you didn't exist or that you would be erased completely from the world that I find comfortable.
These tears burn like the salt of beautiful seas and I see no more the loveliness that once was enveloped in the creation of woman that God created. Instead all I see is the evil of hurt, wretched, torn, ugly soul; this burns me up and hides what was once loved and I cry the more because these tears embarrass me, they burn me, they harm me, they degrade me, they tear me asunder, they break me, and all I can think of is crying these same tears when your words and actions have harmed me.
I don't want to shed these painful, ugly tears anymore. I don't want to ever hate someone again. To call you vile, dirty, derogatory names and feel the pain of shame that makes the tears burn and boil all the more. I don't want to be who I am, instead I want to be what He wants me to be.
Relationships make us ugly because we stay in things that aren't good for us and We don't FOLLOW His plans. Now I battle being cynical and sarcastic and hateful. I cried like never before and it burned. I wanted to die at that very moment. I wanted to kill. I wanted to cause more than unintentional emotional pain. But instead I cried; less of a man I cried.
Never enjoyed being kicked while I'm already beat into the ground, but I'm convinced that you've enjoyed kicking me while I was down. I was a foot rug and door mat for you. And now as I try to rise above that I'm looked down upon once again. I'm angry and people only lose respect for me. The evil ones always get away Scott free.
I can't hate but must love. I can't be hurt because I'm not the dumpee I'm the dumper, but really I'm the one who was thrown in the dump. I write to ease the pain, I express to cool the fire, I write to fight against the boiling hot tears of hatred welling up on the inside of me and the darkness that slowly tries to overtake me.
The next time I cry for the hatred and hurt you've caused will be at the death of my self respect and the respect others will lose for me.
Boiling Hot Tears
Joseph is a Licensed Graduate Social Worker in the Washington, DC area. Joseph is the author of the forthcoming book “Love Me Right or Not at All”, A Quick Guide to Loving Yourself and Others the Healthy Way. This book seeks to assist everyone who reads it to love with balance and give love to the right people. Joseph is striving to become an expert in the practice of relationship empowerment. He strives to build healthy, powerful, and well-balanced relationships in the lives of everyone who seeks after the knowledge, values, and skills Joseph has honed over the last ten years. Joseph is an aspiring Marriage and Family Therapist, but to also travel around the nation and hopefully the world, to spread the message that relationships can be simple, yet amazing if you put in the work. Relationships are vital to the human experience and often shape our mindsets, our personalities, and our environments. Knowing this, Joseph works to encourage not only those who believe in his skills, but also works passionately to build his knowledge and skills in the area of relationships to present the best of who he is both personally and professionally.
1 comments:
WOW That was an intense blog! but interesting
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