So this past week was very difficult for me. I had to face a lot of different challenges; financial setbacks that were TOTALLY out of my control, situational depressive feelings, overcoming fears of failing, and the struggle with being a responsible adult. 

     However, my biggest challenge came on Friday where professionally I just felt like a complete failure. This is very rare for me, because I really believe in the work that I do and I believe in myself. It was difficult though to come to the conclusion that both clinically and spiritually there was nothing I could do for my client. I can't disclose what happened, but as a community social worker I just felt very defeated in trying to keep the ethical balance of my client's right to self-determination and ensuring my client's safety. To see the amount of suffering that my client was pushing down internally, while visibly seeing the horrible conditions that I could not physically change; all of these things just lumped up in my throat as I fought to remain professional, empathetic, and rely on my active listening/attending skills as my client expressed his resilience that seemed very puzzling to me. 

     I drove home in silence and tried to let my spiritual music play and center me. It was a very difficult thing to handle to feel like all of my efforts didn't help change my client's situation. We ended the session/visit both agreeing at least on the surface that we have done our best. I wanted to punch a wall, cry out in frustration, and question everything; but instead I put on my social worker face and decided that once the client was safe and had supports in place we would approach it from another angle next time and try for a stronger outcome that fit the client's goals and not my own. 

     I can't tell you how numb I was by the time I was able to attempt to engage my family and be present with them. I wasn't present, but I did my best to mask the darkness that had enveloped me as I reflected on the tough week and the future challenges. I tried looking on the bright side and even realizing that someone else was having a worse day than I was. 

Then I realized it was OK to acknowledge my feelings and work through them. 

So after I got my family to bed and into rest, I stayed up watching Grey's Anatomy and Scandal. 

So... 

      Loneliness can be a very powerful emotional state or series of negative thoughts that often leave people feeling like no one cares about them or that they will never recover from the way they feel. Even more powerful than experiencing loneliness, is experiencing that loneliness while being in a relationship. Feelings of loneliness in a relationship is often associated with being unhappy with the relationship, regret, fears connected to the relationship, and even being unhappy with ourselves. Whatever the cause for these feelings of loneliness, it is a struggle for many to admit these feelings. They struggle with keeping these feelings hidden while trying to hold the relationship together. 

     How do we overcome the feelings of loneliness we often face in our relationships? How do we communicate that we feel very empty or unhappy concerning our relationships; this unhappiness that causes us to feel very lonely when we have someone sleeping right next to us? How do we battle these feelings in a positive way and empower our relationships to get better? I want to offer three ways to battle those feelings. 

      First I want to suggest that you ACKNOWLEDGE the feelings of loneliness. Do the work that is needed to come to terms that you are actually feeling very lonely and evaluate where you feel these feelings stem from. Don't run away from the feelings, but work to try and understand why you feel the way you do and what you need to do next to work on you. Seek help if you are unable to reach beyond the surface of the feelings of loneliness. You know you are digging deeper if you're not spending all your time blaming others for why you feel lonely, but you are looking at YOU and where they stem from innately. 

       Next you want to COMMUNICATE to your significant other what you have been facing, but in a non-aggressive and positive way. This can be done by presenting your feelings in a non-threatening and non-blaming way. Communication is very important because no one can read your mind or have the power of empathy; to feel exactly what you are feeling. Even if you have been distant, moody, or stand-offish, no one will be able to tell exactly what you are facing unless you tell them. Blaming only opens the door for the other person to become defensive, when really the goal is to bring them into what you have discovered about yourself FIRST and how it is affecting the relationship. If they see that level of self-disclosure it may open the door for them to communicate with you. You may even discover that this person may have the same lonely feelings as you. 

     Finally or at least finally for this blog post, you want to CHALLENGE those feelings of loneliness by addressing the cause of the problem. If you're unhappy about the relationship, see if it is possible for you to change your perspective and position on the relationship. Try to start over, go out on dates to learn more about your significant other, learn new things about them, learn new things about yourself. If you feel you're unable to change those unhappy feelings on your own, seek help from a relationships expert or couples counselor. Don't be afraid to do the work or even come to a mutual and respectful agreement that the relationship may not be right for the both of you. Either way don't be afraid to challenge negative thoughts and try to work on it. Don't sit in your loneliness and blame others for not trying to work on it.