How many of us men have said that we want a good woman? How many women have said that they want a good man? I know that I have said this 100 times and I also know that I have let go, bypassed, or messed over good women. I also know that I have been messed over many times as well. I began thinking about the whole notion of what a good man or what a good woman looks like, acts like, feel likes, and I began to wonder if it is a natural occurrence or if it is just a set of standards and expectations men and women set for the people they want to date. In other words I wonder if there are just good men and women out there to date, be in relationships with, or love; or if we have these expectations we place on people and if they reach them, then and only then can they be "labeled" a good man or woman.
Do we have the wisdom and knowledge to place judgment on whether a person is a "good" person or not? Do we have the emotional fortitude to determine that we have obtained a good woman or a good man? Do we have the ability to care for, love, respect, and appreciate a good woman or man once we obtained them? Here are my thoughts:
First we have to understand that only God gives us a good thing. So if you're out there dating randomly, having friends with benefits, manipulating your way to get your "good" man or woman, or if you trying to "make" someone your "good" thing, than you are setting yourself up for failure. If you want your good gift then I believe you have to seek God first. The Bible says in James 1:17 that Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning." So if you haven't sought God first and you're determined to do it your own way, you are either not going to have a good thing or you're going to corrupt or destroy what very well could have been your "good gift."
Secondly you have to understand that you won't receive "good" if you don't deposit any good. Here's what I mean, how can we expect to receive a good man or woman, if we are not putting out anything good. You want someone with a positive attitude, but your attitude is nasty. You want someone to please you in every way, but you are selfish. You want someone to respect you, but you don't respect anyone. You want someone to not control you, but you control others. You want someone to be honest with you and yet you lie. You want someone to save their body for you, but you give yours away like a leaky faucet. You get what I'm saying right? The Bible says in Galatians 6:7- "Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap." So if you sow destruction, you will reap destruction. If you so goodness, you will reap goodness.
Finally if you want a good man or a good woman, you have to prepare yourself for them to come into your life. I'm especially talking to my single brothers and sisters who want to be married. We have to really walk in the role that God has laid out for us. If you are a Christian man or woman than your first role as a single is to SERVE GOD WITH EVERYTHING YOU HAVE. If you are not doing that then you are not ready for your good thing. Men we have to be in a position to honor and cherish our good thing. We have to have a JOB and we have to be ON OUR OWN. Men we have to learn to be a provider and a protector. We have to learn how to love and be understanding. We have to learn how to lead and to rule, without breeding contempt. Women you have to be in a position of waiting. To wait is not to sit around and do nothing, but you have to be working for the Lord, building up your family, preparing yourself to be a nurturer, understanding the power of kindness, have understanding, compassion, and be what I have termed as being a "a ride or die chick." People the only way you can get your good man or good woman is to be in ORDER! And believe me this is not just a message to you, this is a message to me as well.
Dating PTSD we can overcome it...
Dating PTSD (1-10-10): I Want A Good Woman or A Good Man
Joseph is a Licensed Graduate Social Worker in the Washington, DC area. Joseph is the author of the forthcoming book “Love Me Right or Not at All”, A Quick Guide to Loving Yourself and Others the Healthy Way. This book seeks to assist everyone who reads it to love with balance and give love to the right people. Joseph is striving to become an expert in the practice of relationship empowerment. He strives to build healthy, powerful, and well-balanced relationships in the lives of everyone who seeks after the knowledge, values, and skills Joseph has honed over the last ten years. Joseph is an aspiring Marriage and Family Therapist, but to also travel around the nation and hopefully the world, to spread the message that relationships can be simple, yet amazing if you put in the work. Relationships are vital to the human experience and often shape our mindsets, our personalities, and our environments. Knowing this, Joseph works to encourage not only those who believe in his skills, but also works passionately to build his knowledge and skills in the area of relationships to present the best of who he is both personally and professionally.
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