So here we are in the New Year and journal I'm still doing the same thing I did in 2009. I truly want 2010 to be a different year and I don't want to be so consumed by my flesh and fleshly desires. I fell hard in 2009 and I'm still trying to recover. The one thing I do know is that I don't want to hide behind a wall of shame this year and I don't want to be away from God anymore. It is a hard thing to be honest with what you are and come to the realization that you can't do a darn thing to change it, except to give your life and will completely over to God. I have been fighting it though, because I've been to punk like to let God take full control and to trust Him to do what is best for me. I have been so consumed with not being what everyone thinks I am or thinks I will become, that I lost focused on what God wants for me. I also realized that I'm greedy and very selfish. I can't believe that I was hiding behind my salvation and living my life like I didn't know God at all. It is hard to believe I know, wait no it isn't, because I never make myself out to be perfect. I'm not perfect and I am no where near it, but I was telling my friend tonight that my heart wants to follow God, my body on the other hand wants pleasure, wants selfishness, laziness, and to be loved; my mind well most times I don't know where my mind is. I hope that I can do things differently in 2010. I have to do things differently in 2010 or I will die.
So... I took a shower as soon as I got home from work and it wasn't as hot as I would have liked it to be. I was bathing in the lukewarm water and was just thinking about my life right now. Besides the breakdown of my spiritual life, I'm happy with how things are going, and I hope they get better. I mean let me tell you that I'm not proud that I'm not living my life fully for God (you can't be lukewarm), but I am grateful for his tender mercies and the fact that I wake up and have a chance to try again. I just hope that I get to keep who has slowly become apart of my heart!
So let stop writing before I bare my soul completely on this blog post. I have to save some for next time.
So...
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Joseph is a Licensed Graduate Social Worker in the Washington, DC area. Joseph is the author of the forthcoming book “Love Me Right or Not at All”, A Quick Guide to Loving Yourself and Others the Healthy Way. This book seeks to assist everyone who reads it to love with balance and give love to the right people. Joseph is striving to become an expert in the practice of relationship empowerment. He strives to build healthy, powerful, and well-balanced relationships in the lives of everyone who seeks after the knowledge, values, and skills Joseph has honed over the last ten years. Joseph is an aspiring Marriage and Family Therapist, but to also travel around the nation and hopefully the world, to spread the message that relationships can be simple, yet amazing if you put in the work. Relationships are vital to the human experience and often shape our mindsets, our personalities, and our environments. Knowing this, Joseph works to encourage not only those who believe in his skills, but also works passionately to build his knowledge and skills in the area of relationships to present the best of who he is both personally and professionally.
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