Now in this New Year I need you to go back and read all my post on Dating PTSD. You can read them on joe4christ.blogspot.com. In the meantime I need to speak to this spreading disease called OBSESSION!!! Listen I understand when you are dating someone or in a relationship, you can become deeply infatuated with a person, fall in love with them, they rock your world and all that, but you can’t let the person consume you, your life, and you especially can’t consume them. There has to be a balance in everything that we do in life, but especially when it concerns relationships. We set ourselves up for failure when we make the person we are dating the driving force in our lives. When we become obsessed with a person, we set ourselves up to be devastated when they are no longer in our lives. Obsession is a no no people and I need us to truly understand that when we get to this point, it is time for us to back up, reevaluate, and slow down.
The first thing you have to know when you’re obsessed is that you won’t see it!!! Come on I know we all know the difference of being infatuated or always thinking about the person and obsession. Obsession happens when you can’t function unless you are with the person, you know what they are doing at all times, you call them over a thousand times and you know each time they didn’t answer, none of your conversations are without them being in them, you will just about kill yourself physically, spiritually, and emotionally if you are not wrapped up in their world. You are also obsessed if you find yourself knowing more about the person’s life than they do. You are stalking them on their phone, on facebook, myspace, and email. You are unable to trust them or to focus on trusting your relationship because you are so obsessed with them that you’re afraid of losing them. You know you are obsessed when you can’t allow the person to have any kind of space. Space is important to a healthy relationship (Pause) Not the space where it gives people an excuse to find someone else or to play around, but space that allows them to be to themselves with no strings attached. (Play) Obsession is not fun for you or the one you are with. No one wants to be smothered and no one wants to feel lonely while with someone, so there has to be a balance.
You have to understand where your obsessive tendencies stem from. Whether it is failed past relationships or abandonment issues, you have to get to a point of healing, and you have to begin to heal yourself. Listen if you don’t overcome this form of Dating PTSD you will find yourself alone. I believe everyone wants attention and everyone wants to be loved, but no one wants to be consumed. Well let me speak for me. I want to be loved, cared for, appreciated, and I want to do the same for the woman for me, but I never want someone to smother me or not give me some breathing room. And yes I want someone dedicated to me and devoted, but I don’t want someone who puts me on a pedestal and when I fail them in someway, they are destroyed. Please don’t continue to make a person your world or put people on a pedestal. Humans will fail you, but God will never fail you.
Dating PTSD….You can overcome it.
Dating PTSD (1/7/2010): Don’t Be Obsessed!!!
By JoeDating PTSD (1/7/2010): Don’t Be Obsessed!!!
Joseph is a Licensed Graduate Social Worker in the Washington, DC area. Joseph is the author of the forthcoming book “Love Me Right or Not at All”, A Quick Guide to Loving Yourself and Others the Healthy Way. This book seeks to assist everyone who reads it to love with balance and give love to the right people. Joseph is striving to become an expert in the practice of relationship empowerment. He strives to build healthy, powerful, and well-balanced relationships in the lives of everyone who seeks after the knowledge, values, and skills Joseph has honed over the last ten years. Joseph is an aspiring Marriage and Family Therapist, but to also travel around the nation and hopefully the world, to spread the message that relationships can be simple, yet amazing if you put in the work. Relationships are vital to the human experience and often shape our mindsets, our personalities, and our environments. Knowing this, Joseph works to encourage not only those who believe in his skills, but also works passionately to build his knowledge and skills in the area of relationships to present the best of who he is both personally and professionally.
1 comments:
Some very valid points, especially about the fact that when you do become obsessed, you don't even realize it. Maybe because we have these visions of "puppy love" being infatuation, that we think it can't happen to us as adults.
Sometimes we need to take a step back, and reevaluate, like you stated. A relationship does not mean you are dependent on your mate for happiness, motivation, or for a reason to get up in the morning or get dressed up. If your habits even slightly change...whether it be you no longer have devotional time for Jesus- the true lover of our souls- and you find yourself justifying it, then something is definitely wrong.
This topic is certainly pertinent in these times.
Post a Comment