So journal I've just been empty these last couple of weeks. Not really understanding why things have been going the way they have, but understanding perfectly why they have been going down hill. I feel so empty inside and yet I also feel so alive. Most days awake I'm sad and I feel alone, but when I sleep I'm able to relax and my mind is able to work out everything I couldn't face during the day. I hope to find peace soon journal. I hope to find what I've been searching for and I hope to some day soon obtain what I've been longing for.

For now journal I'm a void and I need escape.

So...

I wish I wasn't the type that thought of you each and everyday.
Or the type to send you flowers just because I'm thinking of you.

I wish I wasn't the type who would give you my all.
Or the type that is willing to give up everything for you.

I wish I wasn't the type who respected a woman's independence.
Or the type that doesn't demand or command respect from his woman.

I wish I wasn't the type who knew you inside and out.
Who didn't care what made you laugh or what makes you cry.

I wish I wasn't the type that loved holding a woman in his arm.
Or the type that wanted to make her secure.

I wish I wasn't the type that believed in chilvary.
Or would never allow you to take out the trash while I'm around.

I wish I wasn't the type that believed in truth and communication.
Or the type that would change himself to make her happy.

I wish I didn't believe in love and romance.
Or believed that man and woman were meant for each other.

I wish I wasn't they type who would stay until the very end.
Or know that things were bad from the start, but wanted to fight anyway.

I wish I wasn't the type that falls in love.
Or who can forgive a wrong doing simply because I love her.

I wish I wasn't the type who believed in dates.
Or the type that believed in making the best out of everything.

I wish I didn't believe trust or happiness or truth.
Or the type that would love you forever.

I wish I wasn't the type who cared if you were satisfied first.
Or that believed in physical, emotional, and mental satisfaction as well.

Although I wish I wasn't the type...unfortunately I am. So I'm looking for the type of woman who would love all this and wants to be with me no matter the cost.

"Wish I wasn't the type who wants a boo in their life, but sadly I am smdh!!!" - A Friend, who I sadly had to agree with :("