Honestly like I just tweeted a few minutes ago (check out my twitter section of the blog); if I could change one thing about me besides my height, it would be to change the random mood swings I encounter every other day or so. I just can’t understand how one moment I can be this almost sickening happy maniac, who laughs at everything, to transform into this obese with depression woman man that is sulking around in a man robe and the equivalent of hair rollers. It is frustrating to have these constant fluctuating modes that I have trouble keeping up with.

Random moods are not like winning the lottery. In fact this occurrence is absolutely irritating. Just so everyone knows I am not bi-polar, however I kind of feel like
I’m teetering on some level of bi-polar (rism) and honestly I may need to look into taking some form of medication. How do I cope with such an incredulous, irritating, irate, phenomenon? How do I navigate this wave of pure, unadulterated, and over-the-top pessimism? Someone must help me or I will find myself buried in my own void of dark and spinning out of control emotions. I do not like the dark jspotwriter. (It used to be jwriter, but now I think I will formally become jspotwriter across the board.)

I know that it has to be someone who can relate, because I need some advice. How do you overcome being a moody bastard?

Thanks,

Jspotwriter

Me and My Luna AKA TitsMuhGee

I have this incredibly funny, sarcastic, nonchalant (at times), semi-cynical (at certain moments), genuine, out of the box, beautiful, sardonic (ironic side of this big word), amazing, sister/best-friend who goes by the pseudonym of Luna aka TitsMuhGee. Luna reminds me a lot of Ellen Paige as (Juno), mixed with Zoe DeChanel, a little bit of Samantha from Sex and the City (minus the explosion of men and semen painting her bedroom), with a hint of Kevin Spacey from the Usual Suspects; some sugar, spice, hot sauce, and top it off with the secret romantic, girl who has crushes side of Charlotte from Sex and the City; you pretty much have Tits all summed up.

Anyway she makes me smile and at times I secretly wish I could live vicariously through her. I think it would be cool, especially when she tells me about the randomness and often times awkward moments she finds herself in. I thoroughly enjoy her honesty and her ability to work very hard not to make someone feel bad, but still manages to rip a piece of their soul out with just a slight breeze of her sharp wit. And at the same time her genuinely kind nature can put a band-aid on the searing wound she has just caused.

I’m actually quite surprised at this rather meticulous description of Luna and I hope that she enjoys it (LOL). No she isn’t bad as my poor writing and descriptive skills are making her out to be; she’s a sweetheart, but she is not one to be played with either. She is wise beyond her years, but yet can find away to be quite child-like especially when it comes to love and romance. (Honestly I think the words/feelings gross her out, but at the same time she wants to embrace them and have them suffocate her LOL; sardonic right?)

Anyway, what I’m going to do now is stop talking and try to recreate non-fiction into fiction. I’m going to give you an example of the conversations my sister Luna and I have, but add a bit of my twisted imagination into it. TitsMuhGee, if no one else enjoys it I hope you do and let me know how to fix it for next time.

Luna on Broken hearts

Luna: “Joey I love you.”

Me: “I love you too Luna. I miss you very much.”

Luna: “Aww sweet and I miss you too. I so have to tell you all the extremely funny things that are happening in my life at the moment.”

Me: “As I must tell you about the craziness of mine.”

Luna: *goes silent for the moment* “I absolutely love my breast. I think they are amazing.”

Me: *laughing loud and shaking my head at the same time* “Yes we all know you love them things, put them away for a second and talk to your brother.”

Luna: “Well first of all let me say that I think you rock. I definitely don’t know how you can continue with this love thing *vomits in her mouth a little* but you continue to persevere and for that I am proud. I on the other hand would prefer to find myself living my life as a ninety year old woman with saggy breast, tuna fish breath, and hundreds of moldy cats; rather than waste time with love and relationships.”

Me: “Is it really that disgusting for you?”

Luna: “Well I just think that people spend too much time being phony and mushy; unable to fully express how they feel about someone and then try to dress it up as love. I rather have a pap smear for Christmas instead of someone faking like they love me just to use me or play with Lady Captain Kangaroo.”

Me: “I know deep down you don’t feel that way. In fact my dear lady, I believe that you’re waiting for true love to cross your path. Believe me Luna, I have my doubts about love, and honestly I’m down right cynical at times, but at the end of the day I want to find the one and get married. I know that you want that too.”

Luna: *She’s thoughtful I suppose and a silence falls before she speaks. I imagine that she is working on a new sexy face to make or taking a profile picture of her chest (laugh out loud).* “I honestly want something like that somewhere down the line, but I don’t want the pretense or the bull crap that comes with it. I don’t want some creepy random kid or some nasty married man with spoiled teeth breathing down my neck; instead I want real love and not the crap you see on TV.”

Me: “I know what you mean, minus the nasty married man with spoiled teeth…where do you come up with this stuff? *We both laugh.* “I think that I have to get over my broken heart so that the next person I end up with won’t pay for someone else’s mistakes.”

Luna: “Yeah don’t be bitter and unforgiving. I’ve seen enough of that in my life, however short it has been. I say if you have a broken heart let it bleed and put a (insert non PG 13 English word here) band-aid on it and let it heal. Joey if a woman can’t recognize how awesome you are that’s on them and not on you. Let it go and be happy. Find someone else to love you or climb on top of you. Whatever works.”

*We both laugh*

Luna and Joey: “We have to watch Shameless together.”

End

"Relationships are not tests so there is no need to cheat," anonymous

Forgive those who have you hurt you and ask for forgiveness to those you have hurt!

Utilize what you have learned from past relationships to help navigate the new one you're trying to maintain! Don't let someone pay for someone else's mistakes

In relationships and dating, you can't be afraid to start over! It can be tough to go back out there, but give it another try with a new outlook!

I just hope that you will see that you can't treat people any kind of way and not think you won't get it back!

Can the world effectively move if there was no critics, judges, or rejection?

You have to become a better person by just being a better person than you were yesterday

Lord Jesus please forgive me of my sins. I continue to go down the same road and play the fence between living for Christ and living for my own fleshly and selfish needs.

God I'm sorry that I keep turning back to the wicked ways of my youth and only seeking to satisfy my earthly lusts and pleasures. God I'm sorry.

Lord Jesus I don't want to be out of fellowship with you, but the fear and lack of faith I experience; wait they are no longer an excuse. I just wish I could convince myself f this and begin to live for You and You alone.

God please forgive me of all my sins.

Amen.

So...

So I never thought that I would be afraid to move forward and yet I find myself in a place journal where moving forward seems almost impossible. I know that I need to do this, but I can't overcome the mental blocks that tell me to stay PUT! I want to succeed, but because of a failure or two, I fear that I will fail completely if I decide to move forward.

So I think that I want to try and build a friendship with someone who has been a stranger all my life, but I'm some what apprehensive of doing so because I don't really feel like building a relationship with someone that will potentially be emotionally draining. At this present time journal I do not have the emotional fortitude to have an emotional leech clinging to me. I think I might not attempt this.

So I have bittersweet feelings and fears.

So I will be traveling again soon and I'm loving it.

So I really don't want to admit it, but I'm in love and it doesn't feel forced or weird, it feels RIGHT! And that to me is weird.

So...

You never miss a good thing until it is gone!

Men and Women you can't have your cake and eat it too! Don't you understand that you have to give and invest? You don't miss your well till the water runs dry!

I fully enjoyed my birthday today and I wish I could do the day over again minus the working lol! I love my friends and family who helped make it so special!

You can't ever be mad at someone who decides to love themselves more than you could love them!

What would life be if it wasn't unpredictable? Would we still enjoy life?

If life could just stop being so unpredictable all the time!

I absolutely despise you!

The very center of my core is on fire and burning with a dangerous and deadly hatred that erupts the desire to see you harmed.

Unable to bring myself to cause you such pain; hot boiling tears erupt and burn my face and destroy my pride. I'm full of embarrassment and anger because I'm crying. The more tears of anger I shed, the more the hurt resurfaces and I find myself wishing that you didn't exist or that you would be erased completely from the world that I find comfortable.

These tears burn like the salt of beautiful seas and I see no more the loveliness that once was enveloped in the creation of woman that God created. Instead all I see is the evil of hurt, wretched, torn, ugly soul; this burns me up and hides what was once loved and I cry the more because these tears embarrass me, they burn me, they harm me, they degrade me, they tear me asunder, they break me, and all I can think of is crying these same tears when your words and actions have harmed me.

I don't want to shed these painful, ugly tears anymore. I don't want to ever hate someone again. To call you vile, dirty, derogatory names and feel the pain of shame that makes the tears burn and boil all the more. I don't want to be who I am, instead I want to be what He wants me to be.

Relationships make us ugly because we stay in things that aren't good for us and We don't FOLLOW His plans. Now I battle being cynical and sarcastic and hateful. I cried like never before and it burned. I wanted to die at that very moment. I wanted to kill. I wanted to cause more than unintentional emotional pain. But instead I cried; less of a man I cried.

Never enjoyed being kicked while I'm already beat into the ground, but I'm convinced that you've enjoyed kicking me while I was down. I was a foot rug and door mat for you. And now as I try to rise above that I'm looked down upon once again. I'm angry and people only lose respect for me. The evil ones always get away Scott free.

I can't hate but must love. I can't be hurt because I'm not the dumpee I'm the dumper, but really I'm the one who was thrown in the dump. I write to ease the pain, I express to cool the fire, I write to fight against the boiling hot tears of hatred welling up on the inside of me and the darkness that slowly tries to overtake me.

The next time I cry for the hatred and hurt you've caused will be at the death of my self respect and the respect others will lose for me.

I'm so sick of exes!

Is there not a place that you can send the mean, evil, nasty, and backstabbing exes? I wish there was a world to put them in and only take them out when they are fully repented of their wrongs and the way they treat people. I would understand if an ex is upset with their old significant other if they did them wrong, but how do they manage to treat an ex wrong who hasn't wronged them? I'm so very confused by this.

I truly just wish that all of their negativity, hurtful words, hurtful actions, extra behaviors, and what not can become nonexistent. I don't want them gone forever because I guess people care about them, but just to send them to "How to be a Good Ex" boot camp or something.

The funny thing is I'm friends with all my exes, but this one ex is truly making it difficult for me not to be come a hateful, swear word spitting, ring your neck type of person. *he takes a deep breath and refrains from breaking the computer.* All I want is to no longer be punished for finally loving me and be able to heal from the fact that I lost a friend and that I lost "partially" some of our mutual friends on some levels.

It is never easy to love someone who hates or mistreats you, but always easy to simply hate them. I want to take the easy way out, but I must remain on the difficult path. I absolutely want to despise this person and wish evil and harm on them, but I realize that if I dig one ditch I better dig two and that second one will be my own.

Forgiveness is the key and realizing that you can't live in the world where exes don't exist; only if you continue to jump in and out of relationships.

I don't want to deal with emotional scars anymore. The scars from being hurt from past relationships. I just want to be free of such finite things. I know that scars come in life, pain comes, and heartache comes; what happens when the scars bleed through the healing?

I just want to know. Unfortunately I can't write more about this at the moment because I have a freshly opened scar.