Whether it is in a dating relationship, domestic partnership, union, or marriage, cheating or the thought of cheating is something that one must deal with or overcome. It is within the best interest of your relationship and marriage to be open and honest on what you both view as cheating, how you both feel about cheating, and how you will both feel if you are cheated on. I know it may be a difficult conversation to have, but to ignore it; to believe that it wouldn't happen to you, could ultimately lead to you facing this relationship challenge sooner than you think.
Cheating is a growth or a subtle disease that lies dormant waiting for an opportunity to be fed and given life. It is possibly not even the norm for the person or persons it has now infected. The relationship is going well and the couple has found a good footing in their relationship. Things are working out and they are content. With this foundation in place, the couple begin to become comfortable within the realm of their relationship and forget to pay attention to each other. They forget to talk to one another, hang out with one another, and date one another; they forget to have non-chore-like sex with one another, and they forget to build one another up.
The growth begins to pulsate as it is now being fed doubt and insecurity. One or both individuals within the relationship may begin to feel neglected or hurt in some way, but they do not want to disrupt the nexus of their seemingly impenetrable relationship; it is working for them, "if it ain't broke don't fix it," and they ignore the signs and symptoms that their is a void forming within them and pretty soon their significant other won't be able to fill it.
Let me pause here and clarify some things. The person or persons that is progressively growing this void doesn't automatically revert to cheating. There is a difference in my opinion between a cheater and someone who has cheated. I know I said the same thing when I typed that last sentence, "what?" A cheater lives for cheating; cheating for the cheater is a thrill and a conscious way for them to seemingly have a successful relationship. The cheater says, "I cheat to make my relationship work. I cheat to make things interesting." This is not the case for someone who has allowed the cheating growth to develop within them from a lack of communication and honest expression of their growing displeasure with their relationship.
The growth begins to invade your thoughts and your decision making skills. It infects your hurt and pain and causes your perspective to become skewed. Issues within the relationship become bigger than what they really are and you begin to live in this, "It is better to not say anything than to deal with what is going on. I don't want to argue." <<<<< That statement right there is a killer.
Well I am going to stop right here because I don't want to lose you in a very long post. If you are interested in reading more. Comment on this post and ask for PT 2 to Cheating Growth or hit me up on Twitter at @jspotwriter or @relationshipjw with the hashtag #pleasewritePT2
The jwriter
The Cheating Growth
Joseph is a Licensed Graduate Social Worker in the Washington, DC area. Joseph is the author of the forthcoming book “Love Me Right or Not at All”, A Quick Guide to Loving Yourself and Others the Healthy Way. This book seeks to assist everyone who reads it to love with balance and give love to the right people. Joseph is striving to become an expert in the practice of relationship empowerment. He strives to build healthy, powerful, and well-balanced relationships in the lives of everyone who seeks after the knowledge, values, and skills Joseph has honed over the last ten years. Joseph is an aspiring Marriage and Family Therapist, but to also travel around the nation and hopefully the world, to spread the message that relationships can be simple, yet amazing if you put in the work. Relationships are vital to the human experience and often shape our mindsets, our personalities, and our environments. Knowing this, Joseph works to encourage not only those who believe in his skills, but also works passionately to build his knowledge and skills in the area of relationships to present the best of who he is both personally and professionally.
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