Easy As 1, 2, 3!

We may find it very difficult to navigate relationships. Sometimes it feels as if failure is the only thing that we get out of the relationships we enter in. While this may be true in many cases, I believe we make relationships more challenging than they really need to be. I am living proof that I could have saved myself much hardship and heartache if I wouldn't have had so many unrealistic expectations in my intimate relationships.

In my search for true and healthy relationships, I have found three things that could possibly help change the way we view our intimate connections. Implementing these three things should be easy as pie.

The three steps are:

1. Challenge Negative Thoughts
2. Get Rid of Unrealistic Expectations
3. Have Fun

Cognitive theory asserts that the way we think affects how you feel and how we behave. I am a firm believer that as we think that is how we will behave. The majority of the time this is how our relationships are affected. We think very negative and therefore we behave negative towards our significant others or our loved ones. Challenging negative thoughts will not only help acknowledge that they exist, but also help us come up with ways to remove them from our thinking and therefore change our behaviors.

If we can think more positive I can attest that you will behave more positively and treat your spouse, family, and loved ones more positively. Sometimes we feel bad and we put that onto our loved ones. Most times they have nothing to do with why we feel bad, but we have spent all the time convincing ourselves that it is the other persons fault, we feel bad about how we think they are treating us, and we respond negatively towards them. This isn't always the case, but we have to learn to communicate our feelings to one another in a healthy way.

The next thing to do is get rid of unrealistic expectations. Honestly this should have been step one, but having unrealistic expectations can be a series of negative thoughts that we either unconsciously desire our significant others to live out or we have constructively devised into a list of things that our relationship/significant other MUST have in order for us to be happy. I strongly suggest that you get rid of unrealistic expectations because the truth is no one will be able to live up to ALL of your expectations, just as you're unable to live up to all of the expectations you place on yourself.

Healthy expectations are measurable and obtainable. This means that there is a time frame, a set starting point, and a reward for reaching the expectation (measurable). It also means that the expectation or rather the goal is actually something a fallible human being can reach (obtainable).

We can't expect our spouses to be just like our parents or for our relationships to be like our grandparents. No one can pay for the mistakes of someone else or we can't expect someone to ALWAYS make us happy. However, we can ask that someone communicate with us, that we extend kindness to one another, and we work hard to respect one another. These are all goals that we can make measurable and obtainable.

The last step is to have FUN. So many of us only treat our relationships as businesses or business transactions. We do this and we forget to enjoy ourselves and one another. Don't bog your relationships down with so many rigid rules that you leave no room for fun and adventure. Go on a spontaneous date together. Travel out of the country to a place you both never been. Have a paint fight or have a body paint lovemaking session. Whatever you view as fun in your relationships do it and do it as often as you can. I'm not saying that you can't take care of business, but please have fun.

Relationships can be simple and easy as 1, 2, 3!

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