Displaced Emptiness

There are two things we need to do in our efforts to becoming healthier people who have healthier relationships, "Stop putting our negative feelings, thoughts, and ideas on other people. Stop allowing people to place their negative thoughts, feelings, or ideas on us."

The statement above came to me when I was thinking back on how I was so negative about my marriage because I was feeling so bad about myself. Things were going really bad at my previous job, I was stressed out about income, and being a new father; I just couldn't come out of the funk I was in. I was projecting these feelings on my family and others, and all that did was make me feel empty.

Emptiness is a terrible feeling or emotional state to be in or at least it was for me. To feel like nothing no one could do or say would make you feel better or move to a better state of mind was a horrible place to be. I was completely empty and dark inside and I will discuss more in another post as to where this emptiness came from. I knew that I was being negative and I knew I was not being fair to my family and loved ones.

I define Displaced Emptiness as taking out your feelings of emptiness or feelings of disappointment on other people, especially those closets to you. It is the act of blaming people for your troubled feelings or inadequacies. Projection and Displacement are two different defense mechanisms; the picture above is actually a visual example of projection, but I liked it because it showed how blaming or taking things out on your loved ones gets you both in a tangled mess.

It is not fair to your friends, family, children, significant other, or spouse for you to take your feelings of emptiness out on them. To isolate yourself away from the people you love without any explanation or to completely disappear emotionally and refuse to do anything to fix it.

I'm not here to be hard on anyone because I had to be set free from this as well and here are some steps to get through this:

1. Acknowledge that you're feeling empty, incomplete, or disappointed. No one can help you if you are not first honest with yourself with what is going on. It would be especially good if you let the people you have been taking stuff out on know what is going on as well. It will be important for them to know why you have been acting the way you have. The truth shall set you free.

2. Ask for forgiveness to those you may have blamed or isolated from your life because you felt empty or incomplete. Forgiveness is removing the desire and expectation for the person or persons who wronged you to pay for what they did. Forgiveness is releasing yourself from being controlled by the hurt or anger you feel for the person or the wrong they did towards you. Forgiveness is the unconditional release of the person who wronged you. This is what God does for us! Forgiveness is self-freedom. So apologize and let it go; ask them to let it go too.

3. Seek help and embrace change. This is a very important step after you acknowledge the emptiness and ask for forgiveness. Once you have let go of the weights of blame, guilt, shame, and unforgiveness; you'll be able to take the biggest action step of getting help. There is nothing wrong with seeking help whether it be from a therapist, spiritual advisor, or a good friend who will keep it real with you. Don't sit in the feelings of emptiness any longer. Emptiness is often accompanied or followed by feelings of depression, which can then lead to deeper and more dangerous issues if left unchecked. Once you begin to get the help and start changing you have to embrace and own it. Don't get stuck in where you were, but begin to move to a better place.

I hope this helps someone. These steps definitely helped me.