So...

So I've decided to end this year by ending all of my main posts i.e. So..., Joe's Celibacy Journal, and Dating PTSD. A lot has happened this year; many things have happened, some of it good, some of it bad, but all in all I'm ready to end this year and go into the new one right (God willing).

The best things about this year has been:

• My father saying that after 5 years of being unhappy this year he could finally say he's happy. My father means a lot to me and to hear him say he's happy really made me feel great.
• Getting a chance to finally talk to my sister/best friend and apologizing to her if she felt like I abandoned her. We had a very long talk and it was filled with sadness, happiness, and forgiveness. I love you SCW (I love all my siblings, but her and I have been through a lot together).
• My best-friends/adopted brother and sister (The Princes) on getting married and becoming homeowners. They are my encouragement and my closets friends.
• I'm one step closer to finishing school. 2009 will be the year of graduation.
• My mother and I have gotten a lot closer this year and I missed all her hugs and craziness.
• I was a cast member in this awesome play called Love Forgotten and the play changed my life.

Now some of the worse things that have happened this year:

I fell in love with this young lady. I let her beauty and her kindness get into my very soul. I was so entranced by her that I didn't read the signs clearly, I knew there may have been an attraction, but I also knew that it wasn't going to go any further than that. I tortured myself though; I mean you don't find a chocolate, fine, sexy, bright, caring, long hair, sexy in heels, sexy in a black dress, sexy smile, smart, funny, kind, sexy, cute, make you want to drink her bath water kind of woman everyday, but with all this I didn't see that she didn't view me as the man she wanted in her life. Did I mention that she is beautiful in every way? Yeah I also went into a relationship with another girl (a really good friend of mine; who happens to be very beautiful and sexy as well), but I entered into a relationship with her, with this other girl on my heart and my mind, not to mention I spent years and months earlier pining for this light skinned young lady, while at the same time trying to be her friend.

Once again I fell into what I felt was unrequited love and this other young lady had no idea how I felt, but one day she called and told me that she did share the same feelings. I thought it was a dream come true and since my chocolate wonder woman wasn't giving me the time or day; I decided to get into a relationship with my beautiful, sexy, and quite opinionated friend. Let's just say it was bad timing and me being a stupid head. I shouldn't have entered into a relationship with anyone when I had feelings for someone else. Come on jwriter that's Dating 101. jwriter you have also been a victim of this kind of relationship so why would you do that to anyone else. Anyway we ended it and I tried to go on this dating/flirty/confident binge. Let's just say that exploded in my face. I was stood up for many of those dates, didn't have the funds for them, and when I finally emailed the chocolate drop so much she finally sent me one saying she didn't feel I was the man for her. CRUSHED!!! Thus a few new post of Dating PTSD and SO... entered into my blog.

Oh I forgot to mention that some women that were interested in me stopped when I announced that I was choosing celibacy. (If you haven't read my celibacy journal you'll learn that for two years I was celibate, not by choice though, but now I'm celibate by choice).

I lost a person I thought was a really good friend and I have no idea why.

I have no money as all of it is going into school and traveling back and forth to school/internship.

I lost my car. This is a source of real sadness. I had her since I was 14 and she was good to me.

I talked to a girl last night. I told her why I've been so distant, that I needed time to get over her. The feelings I've repressed for two months came rushing back, but I have gotten so good at lying to myself and others I made it seem that I was OK. Since I want to be open and honest on my blog I have to say that I'm not over it. The wound is still fresh.

I think I blew my chance with another fine, tall, sexy young woman; who is just as wild as I can be when it comes to having fun. Just running my mouth about how broke I am and how I don't have much time to go out to dinner; instead of just scraping some money, borrowing the car from good ole Dad (who by the way wants me to date and enjoy my 20's lol) and taking her out. Nope blew it. I talk to much and tend to over think things.

I've sinned so much this year I really think that I might need to spend the entire New Year asking God for forgiveness. I mean my life as a Christian has really taken a turn for the worse. Not the life everyone sees, but the one only God and myself know about. I'm not proud about it at all. I hoping if Jesus does come back today, tomorrow, or next week that He would except me, because I know he hasn't been proud of my actions. The good thing about Christ though is that He isn't judgmental or unforgiving as some of us Christians make Him out to be. I should have been dead along time ago and yet He has blessed me to see another year. God I want to do right in 2009 and really make a commitment to you, my celibacy, and my prayer life.

I've been having sex dreams about one of my exes and it has brought back some feelings that I really need to go away. We have both moved on and it really isn't any need to relive that, but I'm starting to really miss our relationship and at one point I thought she was the one I would marry. (I told you that I tend to over think things).

Well I think that is all of my business that I'm willing to put out there. I think for the most part I'm going to try and just focus on building a better relationship with God, finishing school, work on my blog, and study for my licensing exam. I think I need to take a break from trying to find a woman and just focus on those things. (If something happens it happens).

Thanks for reading so...