Dating PTSD (8/9/2009)- When The Grass Looks Greener

I think one of the biggest attacks of Dating PTSD happens when you begin to get past the cute stage of your relationship. The cute stage is the butterflies, the laughing, the joking, the long conversations on the phone, the dates, the romance, the inside jokes, the hot passionate kissing, the high school giddiness you get when they call, and just wanting to be around them. I honestly don't think that stage or rather those things have to change; I just think we get comfortable. Well that's another post for later, but for this post the cute stage ends and you realize there is a little more you have to do to keep the relationship going. You seem to aggravate one another more, the cute things that made you melt for them is no longer cute, and your once open schedule for dates and hot make-out sessions become few and far between. This is when you start to notice the budding relationships of others, you begin to notice how happy every other couple seems, and you question what happen to you and your significant other's spark for one another. This is when you start to believe or wonder why the grass is greener on the other side.

I have been guilty before of this subtle form of envy. I believe that it is a faulty form of evaluating your relationship. Evaluation is very important and should be done to make sure you keep the spark going and you explore new ways to make each other happy. Often though what we end up doing is wishing our relationship were like the couple we saw holding hands walking down the street skipping. You wish that you could have what they have, some of us wish so hard we step out on our relationship, and enter into something else, thinking that this is the green grass we've been looking for.

I'm here to tell you that the grass is never greener on the other side and if it is you don't know the work that couple has to do to keep their grass green.

If you want your relationship to be like it used to be: Do what you did in the beginning!!!! Work for the person. Make them feel like they are worth the work. Remember what made them smile, rather than focusing on what they did to make you mad.

Stop being envious of other people's happiness in their relationships and make the choice to be happy in your relationship. Most times everything you ever wanted is with the person you're with, but you are so focused on what they don't do, you forget what they have already done that made you happy, and you forget what they are capable of doing. Don't just blame them for your unhappiness, because you might be just as guilty as well.

Communicate, Communicate, Communicate, Communicate, Communicate!!!! If I could type this ten million times I would, unfortunately I don't have the strength to do so. Let me say it again COMMUNICATE. Open your mouth and express to your girlfriend or boyfriend how you feel, but also learn to shut up and listen. Effective communication involves lots of listening, lots of repeating back to the person what they have said to you, and then openly/honestly sharing how you FEEL!!!! Don't IGNORE and never BLAME!!!! (I'm so guilty of both).

Finally remember that the grass maybe greener on the other side, but you don't know what they went through to get it green.

Looks can be deceiving...get over that Dating PTSD.