Dating PTSD (8/6/2009)-Moving On

Girl: "I imagine that it will take you some time to get over me," she says very calmly.

Me: "Actually I've been broken up with and rejected so many times I've become numb to the whole getting over someone part," I say with a smirk.

Girl: "So you're telling me that you feel nothing since we're over," she appeared annoyed.

Me: "I mean I was hurt when you did it, but honestly the pain I feel now has nothing to do with us no longer being together; I knew that train was pulling in long before you sent me the text," I laugh and then continue, "no the pain I feel is the realization that I have to play this game with another woman that will possibly be the one or will once again waste my time. Now that is painful, I understand that I was your placeholder and never the punctuation mark that signaled the end," I said and bowed gracefully to her.

Of course this story had a lot more dialogue and a few tears were shed, but for the most part the script is accurate. I believe that moving on after a relationship has ended can cost Dating PTSD and I want to share with others my opinion on moving on effectively.

The first step to Moving On is to allow Time and Patience to do their jobs. You can't expect to move on from someone in a day's time. If you're like me and have become a little expectant and cynical concerning the cycle of dating/break-ups/relationships; moving on may seem a little bit easier, but it still takes time for us to move on and to heal. We can also become impatient with our mind, heart, and body who seems to be having trouble moving on from the person we were so into, while our actions are often trying to move 17 steps ahead. We need to be patient so we don't jump from relationship to relationship, and we need time to heal and release any baggage that may have accumulated while we were in the relationship.

The second step is to gain Control of our Actions. Stop allowing the person to call you or you calling them everyday like nothing has occurred. Everyone needs their space and if you want to move on, getting space is very important. Please try not to Facebook stalk them or try and find ways to be near them or in their general area. I'm not saying that ex's can't be friends and hangout, but if this isn't one of those moments where you break-up and then immediately get back together, but one or both parties were serious about ending the relationship, I think it is very important to allow for space. (Also having ex sex is not a good idea either. That's just my opinion. It only makes things worse.)

Finally changing our Focus. It is very important to begin to regain your singleness. To begin to not focus on what you guys did right or what went wrong, which will often make the Moving On process slower. Change your focus and begin to think about you, family, friends, and rebuilding yourself. Changing your perspective on things can help you allow Time to move, Patience to be gained, and gaining Control of your Actions.

This isn't law, but I feel that these three steps can help us overcome some of the Dating PTSD that comes with Moving On.

Dating PTSD we can overcome it...