Marriage Talks- The Number One Reason For Divorce
The number one cause of divorce is financial issues, followed by communication issues, lack of commitment to the marriage, sexual problems, and change in priorities. Why are finances so huge that they could destroy something so sacred and so powerful than marriage?
There are three things that I will try to pinpoint as the reason why financial issues can lead to a complete breakdown in the marriage:
1. A fear of being without and a lack of trust between the married couples.
2. A lack of communication that has already existed in the marriage.
3. A fear or loss of independence and inability to foster independence while still being married.
At the top of the issue of finances is that the world has made money the standard for living; you aren’t living unless you are rich. There is just a clouded perception that money buys you happiness. It is very true that you do need money to survive, but you can’t believe that money will be the cure all to your problems. As I said a fear of being without is what spurns a lot of the initial breakdown of the relationship. It is a very scary feeling that you won’t be able to pay your bills and you are unable to trust that your spouse will be able to get you through this or support you through the hard times.
The arguments are here now and at an increasing rate. The marriage is further broken down when communication is also already a problem in the marriage. If you were already unable to communicate in the marriage, then having these financial problems will just exacerbate the communication issues. It is difficult to communicate when you don’t know you will have a roof over your head or money in the bank. It further alienates you from your spouse and the arguments move from finding a solution to providing the blame.
Finally is the part that a lot of people forget to cultivate when they get into a relationship or a marriage and that is holding on to some form of their independence. I do understand that you can’t be selfish; especially in a marriage, but you can’t become so symbiotic with the other person; that you’re unable to know who you are.
The solution, well there is so much that I can say about that, but I definitely suggestion that the couple work at the most important principles of the marriage: trust and communication. You have to be able to communicate; not argue or blame, but to talk openly about your fears, frustrations, and faith/or lack thereof. I also believe that you have to have a plan, a plan of action, and a plan to still have love for one another in the midst of this struggle. (YOU HAVE TO HAVE GOD IN YOUR MARRIAGE). I’m a firm believer in a “joint account”, but I definitely agree with Steve Harvey when he said have your joint account, but your own personal account as well (THAT YOU BOTH KNOW ABOUT).
jwriter
joe4christ.blogspot.com
Marriage Talks- The Number One Reason For Divorce
Joseph is a Licensed Graduate Social Worker in the Washington, DC area. Joseph is the author of the forthcoming book “Love Me Right or Not at All”, A Quick Guide to Loving Yourself and Others the Healthy Way. This book seeks to assist everyone who reads it to love with balance and give love to the right people. Joseph is striving to become an expert in the practice of relationship empowerment. He strives to build healthy, powerful, and well-balanced relationships in the lives of everyone who seeks after the knowledge, values, and skills Joseph has honed over the last ten years. Joseph is an aspiring Marriage and Family Therapist, but to also travel around the nation and hopefully the world, to spread the message that relationships can be simple, yet amazing if you put in the work. Relationships are vital to the human experience and often shape our mindsets, our personalities, and our environments. Knowing this, Joseph works to encourage not only those who believe in his skills, but also works passionately to build his knowledge and skills in the area of relationships to present the best of who he is both personally and professionally.
4 comments:
J, that's a good word boy!!! So true, especially today where peoples moral's and values aren't the same as they were just ten years ago. Our pastor says it all the time that "Marriage does work!" A lot of people get married just to have that title not knowing that this will be/is the hardest job, partnership, relationship, etc, that they will ... See Moreever have but the most rewarding as well. But good job J and keep them coming man. You might not know it but you are affecting people with these post, well, I know your helping me out... Thanks Bruh!!!!
Gosh. I really wanted to respond to this but you really said it all. I will say my husband and I are a witness to these issues and you CAN make it.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for such an insightful word. Too often we lose sight of what is really important. With God ALL things are possible . . .
Honestly it may take breaking out of what one has been told to overcome this issue. What I mean by that is, a lot of women who come from single parent households namely mothers, are told to stand on your own and always have your own money. So it is definitely hard for them to break out of that me me mindset when it comes to finances and recognize that as you become one you have to lay it ALL OUT THERE. So its an inherent fear that they must overcome. But we all know that if one wants to change to make things work, they'll overcome such fear to have a successful marriage.
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