Dear Journal,
So I'm truly just in an incredible place of sadness and confusion. It is unbelievable where I am right now and that the second that I feel like I am making progress I find myself going twelve steps back. I appreciate that God is (or I hope that He is) exposing me to my Ugly Truth- showing me the things that I need to change and get rid of and these things are so hard for me to see. It hurts to see myself so EXPOSED! I feel so vulnerable and I don't like what I see.
My biggest reaction is to completely shut off because I want to be seen in a certain light and it KILLS me when I learn that people view me differently. I can't move or shake the feeling of wanting to run away. It kills me to know that my actions have in fact caused someone to be irreversibly hurt and even HATE me. That kills me and although I subconsciously "accept" that my apology won't fix it, but it kills me consciously and in my heart; to my very core. It hurts even more when I have to see that person every day.
I'm in a bad place and I don't know how to get out of it journal.
So...
So...
Joseph is a Licensed Graduate Social Worker in the Washington, DC area. Joseph is the author of the forthcoming book “Love Me Right or Not at All”, A Quick Guide to Loving Yourself and Others the Healthy Way. This book seeks to assist everyone who reads it to love with balance and give love to the right people. Joseph is striving to become an expert in the practice of relationship empowerment. He strives to build healthy, powerful, and well-balanced relationships in the lives of everyone who seeks after the knowledge, values, and skills Joseph has honed over the last ten years. Joseph is an aspiring Marriage and Family Therapist, but to also travel around the nation and hopefully the world, to spread the message that relationships can be simple, yet amazing if you put in the work. Relationships are vital to the human experience and often shape our mindsets, our personalities, and our environments. Knowing this, Joseph works to encourage not only those who believe in his skills, but also works passionately to build his knowledge and skills in the area of relationships to present the best of who he is both personally and professionally.
5 comments:
Your transparency is amazing. I know how it feels to want someone to know your heart and not a misunderstood action. Praying for you.
That feeling is like a dark sheer curtain over you. It's like, you know something is up, but getting out from under it is difficult since you can still see through it. But it is truly amazing how you can write it out there, so bluntly, so completely.
@Nakeesha Harris: Thank you so much for commenting. I really try to bring my writing to life by keeping it real and being transparent. I want to help people.
@Carru85 thank you so much for commenting and that you for seeming to understand where I was when I wrote this. It is just hard to deal with it when you have to see it everyday. The day I wrote this I was in a bad place for real, but glad that I was able to get it all out. Thank you again.
Sometimes almost doesn't count my friend.
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