It is amazing how we enter into relationships full of hope and excitement. I don't think that it is a bad thing that we want to be in love or to be in a relationship. I do however feel that we have been doing it incorrectly. We have held tightly to fixed beliefs about relationships and we want the finish line, but we don't want to have anything to do with the process.

The biggest mistake that we make is that we can't acknowledge that 95 percent of the time two UNHEALTHY people enter into a relationship EXPECTING for the relationship to be HEALTHY. How do we come up with this type of math? I was never good at math in school anyway so I understand how I came to this answer, but what is your excuse?

UH= Unhealthy H= Healthy

UH + UH = UH not UH + UH= H

So what is missing from the equation? How can two unhealthy people make a healthy relationship.

x= unknown variable

It is what most of us run from and that is the process. The process will take us further in our relationships before an unrealistic expectation that we can be unhealthy (often times we can't help that), we can stay unhealthy (we can do something about that, but often times we choose not to), and that we will make a healthy relationship (most times the relationship is manageable at best).

We need the process. The process includes acknowledging that something is wrong or that we have issues in ourselves that we need to address individually, issues we need to address as a couple, and be patient with helping one another grow to healthy. That is a process and without the process we are just trying to make an incorrect equation work.

UH + UH= UH

UH + UH + X= H

So how do you solve for X? You have to put Process into the equation.

P= Process

UH + UH + P= H

Don't strive for perfection in your relationships stroll with the process.

"Stop trying to find perfection in your spouse and appreciate the process!” #marriageadvice, Joseph Snider

I originally tweeted this statement on my fan relationship advice Twitter Page: @relationshipjw to married couples, but I wanted to write this post to everyone in relationships. It is so very important in our intimate relationships, and maybe even our friendships, that we don't forget that building and maintaining a relationship is hard work. We should understand that it is not only hard work, but also a process. 

In relationships, most of us become enamored with the idea of being with someone and the desire for the relationship to be like something out of a fairy tale. To be honest there are some people that get the chance to live the fairy tale life; those people sicken me to no end (insert playful laughter here because I'm joking), well they do just a little bit. The only reason I'm envious of those individuals because in every intimate relationship, including my own marriage, I have had to work and work very hard. So for most of us we have had to work hard for that image of the "perfect" relationship and when our relationships or our significant others don't live up to that perfection, we feel that our relationship has failed in some way, or that we have failed in some way. 

I want to encourage you to change your perspective right now if you think this way. I have thought this way and it has made my relationships more difficult. As a matter of fact I gained clarity on the process of relationships by realizing first that my wife is not perfect, that I am not perfect, and that building a strong and amazing relationship is a process. Once I discovered this perspective, I was able to let my wife be herself and I could see her growth, her sacrifice, her love, her strengths, her limitations; I could see the process ever so clearly, and I could appreciate the important things about my wife and our marriage. I could appreciate how beautiful she is and how wonderful it was to be with her because I wasn't striving for us to be perfect. 

It truly is a process to be in a relationship and try to build something amazing. If we can stop being so caught up in trying to be like the next relationship or the next couple, we won't miss the important moments in our relationships. I don't want to miss anything else in my marriage. 

I don't want you to miss anything else in your relationships as well. 

In the next few posts I will continue to discuss more on Perfection vs Process in Relationships so we can discover together how to not miss the process. 

Keep reading!