Dating PTSD (1/24/2010): Hurt From Past Relationships

Everyone who has been in a relationship and it ended has faced some hurt. It is very important that we learn to recognize when we are hurt, how we were hurt, what we must learn from the hurt, and when to let the hurt go. A site called cancersurviors.org discusses letting go from a grief and loss perspective, but one particular point I want to look at is this, "It’s important to understand where these feelings come from and realize that there is nothing we can do to change the past. And, there is nothing we can do to change others either. What we can do is to change ourselves and the way we think about our past, others in our life, and our futures," This is truly important when you are making the decision to get into a new relationship, that you have dealt with any unresolved issues from your past relationships. You should not start a new relationship with someone else if you have not let go of the hurt from your previous relationship. If you still have unresolved issues from someone in your past or your ex, if you are still broken or hurt from what someone else did to you, then you need to deal with it before moving on to the next one.

If you have already entered into a new relationship and haven't let go or you think you have let go; hopefully you have realized that the new person you are with can't pay for the hurt your ex has caused you. It is also very unwise for you to look at this new relationship the same as your old one. If you approach your new relationship the same way you approached your old one, then more and likely you're going to get the same results and that's hurt. You also shouldn't get into another relationship if you are planning to hurt the new person in your life the same way you were hurt by your ex. It isn't fair to your new relationship or the person you are now with if you are planning on being completely closed off, if you're not willing to give them a chance to care for your heart, and if you're unwilling to give them the same care/love/time that they are giving to you, because you feel that they will hurt you the same way the last one hurt you. If you haven't dealt with the issues and the hurt, you will be forever guarded and forever the person who hurts others.

Finally you have to learn to seek God before entering into something new. Well actually I have it backwards; you should seek God and ask for his help before doing the first two steps. You must give it to Him and let Him help you make a plan on what your next step should be concerning dating/relationships. Some of us keep getting into poisonous, hurtful, abusive, and dangerous relationships because we don't seek God. We seek the opinions of everyone else, but we don't seek God's permission, promise, purpose, or plan. It is no wonder that you haven't healed from your past hurt and why you are beginning a new cycle of hurt. Seek God first and let Him heal you. Don't depend on just time to heal you, because time only passes and makes the hurt turn into bitterness. Instead ask God to heal you, change your focus from your hurt to your healing, and let go.

Quick List:

Acknowledge the hurt and acknowledge that you have to let it go.
Go the process of letting go before getting into a new relationship.
Don't start a new relationship without letting go of a past one.
Never make someone pay for the mistakes of others.
Learn from your heart and run away from the same patterns that put your heart in harms way.
Protect your heart, but don't close yourself so tightly that you can't let real love and care in.
Seek God for healing and don't waste time thinking that time will just heal you.

Dating PTSD we can overcome it...