Dating PTSD: Letting Go of Past Hurts

Often times we are plagued by the pain of our past and by the memories of the people, places, or things that have caused us pain. In trying to overcome the perils of person to person intimacy, we are often challenged with navigating through the nightmares or flashbacks of horrible and painful exes/relationships.

How do we let go of the past and do we ever fully let go of our past experiences? These are two questions that I often ask myself; seemingly there is no definitive answer that I have come up with. There are honestly moments where I feel nothing about my past and I believe that I have triumphed over the hurt that I have experienced. Then there are those moments when it has been revealed to me that my past hurt was just buried deep in my subconscious and was waiting for the right moment to come out, that moment being when I enter into a dating situation or a new relationship.

How do you let go of the past? I believe that you must first acknowledge that you have a past. Acceptance is an incredible healing agent, when applied properly, it will allow you to walk down the path towards healing. Accepting that you have had painful past relationships will not only help you sort out the emotions you have, but it may even help you talk to your new beau about the problems you once had and what you would like to avoid in this new relationship with them. I'm not telling you to divulge all your past problems, but definitely the important ones you should discuss.

We should apply the lessons we have learned from our past. This is probably the most important step in the process of letting go. Application is the key to letting go and if you are able to identify where things went wrong, identify the qualities you don't want in a person, or identify the qualities within yourself that led to some painful interactions; this can possibly save you from entering into another dating situation and facing the same problems from before. Applying what you have learned may help you towards a healthy and nearly painless new relationship.

Never hold your new interest responsible for the pain your ex caused you in the past. This step is self explanatory. Don't hold them responsible, don't make them pay for the mistakes of your past, and definitely don't move on to something new if you're unable to not view them under the same microscope you viewed your ex.

Seek help. Yes by reading this post you have taken the steps towards getting some good, solid, and healthy outside perspective. I encourage you though to possibly confide in a friend you can trust or going to a counselor to assist you with letting go of the past hurts. Seek spiritual guidance or encouragement from a spiritual leader. Whatever you do find someone you can trust and talk to them about your desire to move forward and the hurt that you can't seem to let go of. Seeking outside perspective might just be the kick you need to help move you in the right direction.

Finally just make the decision to let go. Your past is your past, your ex is your ex (or should be), and it is time now for you to move on with your life. Making the decision to let go gives you the power to say I'm stronger than my past hurts and I want a chance to be happy. Yeah maybe you will have a flashback here or there, or something will remind you of your past hurts, but if you're taking the steps to let go of your past you are going to let it go. Decide to let go and you will.

Dating PTSD we can overcome it...