Bored Within The Relationship????

Normally I would have written this as a Dating PTSD post, but since I'm planning on posting this in my notes I want to try to keep my blog here at joe4christ.blogspot.com separate from my notes; I've decided to just give it a different title. This is something that some or if not most people deal with in relationships, boredom that is. I'm going to safely assume that there isn't a conclusive way to avoid or prevent boredom in a relationship, but I want to at least share some ideas on how to deal with boredom in your relationship.

The first step to dealing with issues that may arise in a relationship is to first admit honestly that there is an issue. Avoidance only causes the situation to escalate or it leaves someone with a lot of doubt and possible fear that they have failed the relationship somehow. So openly and honestly discuss the issue with your spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner. You may find that you both see it as an issue; that you both want to work on. This first step is important in a number of ways. It opens up a window of communication and for you both to explore what the problem is and why it came about in the first place. If done correctly it won't have you both feeling low about yourselves, but may shed a light on what's been missing. It may also reveal something new about your partner that you never new about them. Healthy communication is a form of intimacy, which is very important in any relationship. Also in this step you have to realize that you may be uncomfortable talking about an issue and someones feelings maybe hurt, but it is possible to get through this if you work on not tearing one another down, blaming one another, and stick to the issue at hand. <----That is key right there, staying on topic!!!

Take a look at my note/post on my blog that gives tips on positive and negative forms of communication.

If you can both make it through the first step then it is time for the second. Finding a quiet spot to be by yourself and thinking about how you both got to this point in the first place. Taking time for personal self-reflection is very important for dealing with an issue; especially relationship boredom. It gives you a chance to look at yourself FIRST! Often times we think about what the other person did or didn't do to get us to this point, and we forget that we had a part to play or a part we should have played, but didn't. In this time of self-reflection you should also try to figure out some healthy/positive solutions that you can share with your partner. Remember that this is not just a way for you to get your needs met, but a way for both individuals to come out on top. If you believe that your relationship is worth fighting for and that you want to truly bring your relationship back to life; this second step is very important. Take a look at yourself FIRST!!!!

The next step brings you both back to the first step and that's talking about what's going on and what you discovered about yourselves. It is also time for you to talk about some of the solutions you both came up with and seeing what works for the both of you and what doesn't. This is also not the time to be all serious and business like; it is absolutely fine to bring some humor to the comparing of notes. I've found that being able to laugh with one another can not only lighten the mood, but also help you both see that this issue which appeared to be big; can be easily solved if you both work together. I know you're probably saying why are we doing all this talking??? Well communication is one of the strong foundations in maintaining a healthy relationship and that you both realize NOT TALKING has probably contributed to the boredom in the first place.

OK by now I realize that you're probably tired of talking and are ready for some action. Well the next step is to implement the solutions you both came up with. And you have to work these action plans out like the scientific method. It's going to take time to do the experiments, record the observations, and report on your conclusions. I know it sounds like a lot of work, but if you came up with some fun solutions that you both will like then you'll love this part. Trial and Error people is not just for science geeks; it can be very helpful for curing the boredom in the relationship. And guess what if at first you don't succeed, try try try try try try again. And if these steps don't help, but you really want to work on your relationship it maybe helpful to seek out help with a relationship counselor, Pastor, or a professional who specializes in rekindling the flame within a relationship.

Here are some quick tips for possibly curing the boredom in your relationship:

Don't believe cheating on your spouse or partner will help cure your boredom. This will make matters much worse and also think about what you'll be losing if your partner found out about the cheating. Also know that cheating leads to your spouse being hurt/crushed that you've betrayed them.

Stop being selfish!!! Most times boredom comes when we just think about our own needs. Take a look at your partner and see what their needs are and if you're meeting them.

Be creative!!!!! Possibly the most important piece of the puzzle. Come up with fun, exciting, and spontaneous ways to spice up and shake up the relationship. Role play dates where you both are strangers meeting for the first time; for the married couples out there make a pact that you won't get freaky with each other unless you're outside of the bedroom. EX: For a whole month have sex in hotels, the living room, the closet, the couch, the car (parked in your own garage lol), backyard, etc. OK maybe you don't have to be that creative, but the point I'm making is to be creative about bringing the spice back into your relationship. Make each other dinner and feed it to one another or eat the food off one another (I don't know LOL), go on spontaneous one day or weekend trip together, both of you make a list of what you want to do as a couple and set a deadline for when these task need to be completed. To spice this us a little more make a bet on whose list will be the BEST or something.

Be respectful to one another always and make sure that no one is being controlled, put down, or blamed. Be positive about being passionate towards one another and be willing to do the work.

Hang around people who are positive and realistic about the ups and downs of relationships and the importance of bringing the passion back to life. Please try and stay away from people who are negative about relationships, who take your side, who tell you want you want to hear, and especially stay away from people who encourage you to CHEAT ON YOUR SPOUSE!!!!!!!!!!

Remember to just get out there and do the work!!!!! Relationships take work, but the work doesn't have to be a chore!!!!

I hope this helps!

Also feel free to read my post on What Happened to the Butterflies??? Visit my blog at joe4christ.blogspot.com