When I got closer to becoming a husband officially was when I received the understanding of what it meant to truly be in love. I'm not saying that you have to get married to finally be in love, but I view marriage as the second ultimate commitment. You get a better understanding of being in love when you give your life to Christ and when you decide to commit your life to another person and it is a serious commitment.

The key to being in love is not the feeling, but rather the decision. The key lies in the decision to become committed to love, loving a person, deciding every single day to love the person your IN relationship with. "I have entered into covenant with Jesus and the Father and we are IN LOVE; we are COMMITTED and there for we are IN LOVE." "I love this person, I have romantic love for this person (Romantic Love includes Passion and Intimacy, but no commitment {Olson and Defrain}), I am in Fatuous Love with this person, (Fatuous Love has commitment and passion, but no intimacy {Olson and Defrain}), and I desire and will work for CONSUMMATE LOVE or love with commitment, passion, and intimacy {Olson and Defrain, 2003, Marriage and Families}.

When you say you're in love then you are saying you are PRESENT. You are in a state of consciousness with another person in whom you are committed to, passionate about, and have a level of intimacy with. You are AWAKE and you see clearly that being IN LOVE with them is being presently involved in the LOVE with the other person. You are not distracted by the attraction or infatuation with another person, but your focus is on loving the person you're in love with.

If you are in love with someone simply based on feelings, butterflies, sexual chemistry, puppy love, romantic love, etc; you are infatuated and not in love. But if you are conscious, committed, and connected to the person you love then you my friend are IN LOVE.

I am in love because I am committed to you. Commitment involves trust, honesty, dependability, and faithfulness. I am in love because I want to build these principles with you. Not only so, but I am also CONSCIOUS to being in love with you and I'm here, I am present, I am awake to this in love state mind, body, and soul.

You can fall in and out of infatuation and attraction, but to love doesn't stop and being in love is more than just a feeling, but being IN LOVE is a DECISION.

You may not agree with me, but I now understand that you can love someone and not be in love with them. I view it however much differently. When you're in love with someone it doesn't just fade away because it involves so much. We must get to a point where we just don't say things because it sounds good, but instead we understand the power of our words.

I'm conscious and aware of being in love with my wife. I love her, I'm in love with her, and I am infatuated with her.

Are you IN LOVE or are you infatuated?

First we must start with definitions. The dictionary defines love as, "a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person, a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend; sexual passion or desire, a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart, and used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like.

The dictionary defines being in love as an idiom (an expression whose meaning is not predictable from the usual meanings of its constituent elements); in love is to be infused with or feeling deep affection or passion or in love with, feeling deep affection or passion for (a person, idea, occupation, etc.); enamored of: in love with the girl next door; in love with one's work.

How do you define being in love? This is an age old statement that I have heard from people who are wildly into one another. The relationship is new and beautiful and everything seems to be going great for them. They have butterflies and they see, hear, smell no one but the person they are in love with. On the other side of this I have heard people say one of the worst statements in the world:

"I love you, but I am no longer in love with you." At first I did not believe that this was a possible occurrence. How is it possible to say you love someone, but you are no longer in love with them. Love is love right? That is what I thought.

Then I learned about Eros Love (Erotic Love), Philos Love (Brotherly Love), and the best LOVE of all Agape Love (Unconditional Love). I learned that people express love in different ways and that these three types of love were not marked just by a feeling, but by actions that expressed the level of love and feelings you have towards the person these types of love were directed too.

However I did not learn what the difference between being in love and just loving a person meant. I did learn that you can love a person on many different levels. I also kind of equate Eros Love with the body or physical love, Philos Love with the will and the mind (I CHOOSE to love you as a brother or sister or as a friend) and AGAPE love with the true HEART, the Will, the spirit (humanness),  and The Spirit (God's Will and Desire) (I love you with no strings attached and no conditions).

Still I did not know what it meant to be in love and not be in love with someone anymore. I know the phrase I love you but I'm not in love with you was meant to be a buffer to the pain I would feel from a break up, but it didn't stop the pain and only made me hurt worse. How could you love me and not be in love with me anymore.

It wasn't until After I loved, fell in love, and I decided to become committed to my fiancee, who is now my wife, that I fully understood the concept of being in love. And it has nothing to do with butterflies.

Up Next: What It Means to Be In Love Part II

I need to write more and I never have the opportunity to do it as much because my life is so very hectic at times. I really want to become a better writer, have lots of people read and follow my blog, inspire people, encourage relationships, and bring hope. I even someday hope to maybe even make a career out of writing...hopefully.

I do believe that one of the things that the life of relationships is missing is romance. Romance is the act of courting or wooing some one you adore. I don't think that we have enough romance going around. It doesn't always have to be expensive, elaborate, or fanciful all the time, but should always include thoughtfulness, passion, and selflessness. The act of being romantic is a selfless act or that you're doing this out of a loving desire to do something nice for the one you love, to help strengthen your relationship. A lot of times people think being romantic should be something done just to get something out of it. While there are benefits to showering your lover with gifts, poems, pampering, etc; I think romance and romantic gestures are more powerful when the motivation is from the heart.

I love you so much I want to romance you. I want you to feel special in some way, to know that I think of you as beautiful or handsome, outstanding, lovely, sexy, and I want to do that by giving you something that is completely pure, from my heart, and I hope it makes you feel the way that I intend for it to make you feel. I want you to feel love, feel loved, and that you are very special to me.

I have to admit that I have become less romantic lately and it has been hard for me to get my footing back. I am not absence to the idea of romance, but I do know that I'm not my old self. I want to get back to where I was, it was so natural, so fluid; it was second nature for me to be romantic. It isn't like I'm not romantic, but I know I'm not one hundred percent. This isn't fair to my wife and I do have this internal battle within myself because I know in this aspect of our life together I'm struggling.

I guess what I am saying is this, don't let romance die in your relationship! Romance can be so powerful and just for your lover to know that you're thinking of them and not just physically, but emotionally, and mentally. Romance if done correctly can effect all dynamics of the person being. Let the romance flow and let it flow freely.

Label as defined by the dictionary (I picked out the second and third definition) is 2. a short word or phrase descriptive of a person, group, intellectual movement, etc. 3. a word or phrase indicating that what follows belongs in a particular category or classification.

Why do we label? We do we label ourselves, our families (my closets cousin, my favorite brother), our friends (my best friend, my brother from another mother), our relationships (girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, wives, lover); why do we label and do we live up to those labels.

I ask this question because I feel like the world of relationships have become only defined by the labels we give them, better still by the labels other people give to them. I am recently married, I am very happy and I truly feel complete by the woman who has decided to marry me. We are human beings, we are man and woman, we are lovers, we are friends, but most people often label us as an interracial couple. We identify with the "label" of being married and the label of being "committed", but we don't identify with the label interracial. We never have and I don't think we will. We do like the label "BEAUTIFUL COUPLE."

I guess this is coming from a strange place, but it actually came from watching polyamorous people be in relationship with one another.  I'm watching the show Polyamory on Showtime and it is a great show. It has some nudity and sexual content, but I watch it because it gives a clue into the lives of people who seem to genuinely love one another and have these relationships that are full of love and (sex). However enriched it may seem these relationships are, it seemed that most of their lives/love has been classified by LABELS. I see these people try to prove to the world that there love is pure, but the label "polyamory or poly" seems to define them and the movement of their relationship.

Are labels necessary? Do they help progress the relationship and help the relationship become official?

Here's what I say...well I won't say it how I feel it, but FORGET LABELS! Be loved and have love.

Foreplay is what ignites the fire ladies and gentlemen or rather Husbands and Wives.

On average it takes a man 7 minutes to reach orgasm and it takes a woman about 20 minutes to reach orgasm. That means some extra steps have to be taken to get you both to a good place.

So everyone if you want to make sex important in your marriage again... Stop being selfish! It is OK to please one another. And while quickies can be awesome, it is not always a good thing for you to just jump into it. It is OK to TAKE YOUR TIME and LIGHT ONE ANOTHER'S FIRE.

Just read, "21 minutes of foreplay greatly increases the odds of women having an orgasm," I'm just saying men we like orgasms so why not help our wives enjoy them as well.

It is important that you understand married couples, that sex isn't always just going to happen. You can't always hope for it, you can't always schedule it, and there is no such thing as an ideal sex life. This is what you have, an opportunity to make your sex life the BEST it can be; do you want it? Closed mouths don't get fed. Communicate!

Joe's 3 Foreplay Suggestions:

1.) Sensation Game- Take turns touching one another with different things: hands, feathers, ice, lips, satin cloths, warming oil, etc. Describe the different sensations to your spouse. Avoid touching the genital areas, or sexual organs to help build anticipation. Want to get each other really turned on? Take turns Blindfolding one another and describe what you feel.

2.) Body Art- Go to a classy or tasteful adult store or I think you can find body paint in your local store in the aisle with the lube, oils, etc.; pick up some body paint. Of course you can also buy it online. Take time to paint one another, let your spouse's body become your canvass. Make them beautiful while sensually touching them, kissing them, and massaging them. Then once you've are all hot and painted, get down, go clean up, and get down again. If you want to spice it up you can get edible paint or paint each other with chocolate body paint.

3.) Sex Stories- Tell each other a story of how you would like to make love to one another or the things that you know really turn one another on. Or you can read written sex stories to one another until you are both are ready to bring the stories to life.

Even if you don't get this deep into the foreplay, just take some time to get to know you spouse's body and make them feel good. Light a fire in them and make them want you.
Please don't let sex become a low priority in your marriage and definitely don't let foreplay become a lost art.

Visit: bedsider.org, www.cosmopolitan.com, http://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/foreplay-and-sex-tips, http://www.the-intimate-couple.com/sexual-foreplay-tips.html

Enjoy the Married Life Sex

If there wasn't a time for me to hear a WORD from you Lord it is now! I can't just hear the preacher preach on Sunday, or the prayers of a friend, or be led into worship by a worship song or worship group; Lord I need to see your face, I need to feel every breath you take, I need to be in your presence as you speak a WORD to me.

I need you to speak a WORD into my very situation.

I need you to speak a WORD into my MARRIAGE.

I need you Lord, I need you to speak a WORD to the pain that I am enduring.

I need you to speak a WORD to the pain I must endure.

Lord God, I have been deaf to you speaking for such a long time. God please save me, clean up my soul, clean this vessel, God, ABBA, Father, Sovereign God, please God please sit down next to me and speak a WORD into my life! Lord God please speak every WORD that is present in my story.

I need to see your face Lord. I need to see your face God. I need you to speak right to me God. I want to hear from you God. I need the WORD, I need a WORD Lord to come from you. I need a WORD of comfort. Heal my confusion God and guide my feet.

I want to be intimately involved with you God as you map out my life and the WORD you speak is a light to my path. I am overwhelmed God.

I am overwhelmed Lord God, I am so overwhelmed, overwhelmed God, overwhelmed God by life, by situations, by failure, by hurt, pain, fear, anxiety; God I am so overwhelmed. I pray you see Father that I need a WORD from you.

Lord God cover every word that I may speak with Your WORD. Cover my words Lord with Your WORD.

I believe you can give me a WORD. Speak in my life Bread of Life. Reveal to me the WORD that became FLESH. Show me that nothing else matters and nothing else will do. God I need a WORD from you.

Speak Lord and Speak True.

Lord I beg you to Speak a WORD to me.

Note: This is just a post of my opinion. While I may include some facts or statistics, this post is just my opinion. Enjoy!

Before people got married they seemed to have  had a lot of sex! When they were just married they were having sex with one another. (Sin or no Sin they were doing the nasty.) They get married and it is no longer a sin to sex and boom nothing! I mean you never see individuals in movies or TV shows who are married say, "Oh my goodness we are having so much sex;" instead you hear people say we used to have an incredible sex life, but after we got married we just stopped. I have not seen or heard a clear justification as to why this happens, why making love for married people is no longer a top priority, why sex stopped being important to married couples?

Truly I am very confused by this, this to me is an extremely disturbing phenomenon. I know that people blame it on work, they blame it on stress, they blame the children, they blame it on the temperature of the house; everyone is blaming, but no one is trying to fix this. I am truly perplexed that you're married and now you have sex once a month, once every three months, once a year???

According to this quote below however this post right here may be irrelevant. One of my favorite sex experts Dr. Laura Berman says, "“Studies have found that married people have more sex than single people, and they also have more varied sex,” (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/13/marriage-sex_n_1422644.html) You can check out the good doctor on the OWN network In the Bedroom with Dr. Laura Berman. (I love her).

Dr. Phil.com says:

Married couples say they have sex an average of 68.5 times a year. That's slightly more than once a week. — Newsweek

Married people have 6.9 more sexual encounters per year than people who have never been married. — Newsweek

15 to 20 percent of couples have sex no more than 10 times a year, which experts define as a sexless marriage. — Newsweek

20 to 30 percent of men and 30 to 50 percent of women say they have little or no sex drive. — USA Today

25 percent of all Americans (a third of women and a fifth of men) suffer from a condition known as hypoactive sexual desire (HSD), which is defined as a persistent or recurring deficiency or absence of sexual fantasies or thoughts, or a lack of interest in sex or being sexual. — Psychology Today.

No matter what anyone is saying, whether you're having a lot of sex in your marriage (Yay you) or you're in a drought, the point I'm making is this, SEX IS IMPORTANT IN MARRIAGE!

If someone tells you that you don't need to have sex to have a happy marriage, I want you to LAUGH LOUDLY in there face and let them know that they can live in the darkness, but as for me and my spouse we are going to get our sex on. It is OK to romance your husband or wife, to touch each other, to kiss all over one another, to desire your husband's or wife's body, it is OK to make love to one another; to have hot sweaty sex, to get creative in the bedroom for one another, YES it is OK to have sex in your marriage and YES it is VERY important to have sex.

I guess the question was when did sex stop being important to married people? I believe when it stop being important to the people married to one another. No One Can Set the Tone for Your Marriage but YOU and YOUR SPOUSE! And that goes for what happens in your sex life!!!!

It stop being important when you stopped making it a priority! You can't put work, school, children, bills, etc.; as priorities and forget to make SEX a priority in your marriage as well. I'm not saying put it first, but I'm definitely saying not to put it last.

I'm going to do a blog on the benefits of sex and also some tips to light the sexual fire in the bedroom.

Bottom line: Married people don't stop making sex important in your marriage. It is very important. It helps connect you both to one another. It is more than just an orgasm or a climax (those are AWESOME), but it is also about the physical and spiritual connection to one another. It let's your spouse know that you want them and you care about pleasing them.

Please don't let sex stop being important in your marriage. Please.