My First eBook is coming out in 2014 and I wanted to share this with you all!
Keep Following Me to Stay Tuned
My First eBook is coming out in 2014 and I wanted to share this with you all!
Keep Following Me to Stay Tuned
Most of us wish that it was always sunny in our relationships, but most of us realize or have experience that the "dark clouds" will come. Rainy days definitely will appear even in the healthiest of relationships, I want us to take a look at 5 areas that could help us make our relationships a little more sunnier.
I shared on my IG and Twitter page these 5 tips, but I wanted to kind of go into detail of what each area is about and how we can use them to help us navigate our relationships a little better. Anyway I will stop running my mouth and give you the 5 points I would like to touch on.
5 Areas to improve on to make a relationship work:
1. Communication
2. Consistency
3. Trust
4. Spend Quality Time Together
5. Have a Friendship
Communication is not just two people talking, but complete surrender of selfish motives and ideas to hear the heart of someone else. I know you're probably saying what are you talking about. Most times we are absolutely confused on what it means to communicate effectively. We think that if we are allowing each other to speak, there is no yelling or cursing, and we walk away happy that we have effectively communicated. That's nice, but have you found yourself still misunderstood or the problem that you have discussed still isn't fixed? If you have felt like this you have probably felt like effective communication just doesn't work. However, we take the tips that we learn and only use about 5 percent of it and the other 95 percent we continue to operate in our ineffective communication styles.
Communication is more than talking or listening, but it is a change in attitude; communication is a change in seeking what I want and what I need to give to the other person what they want and what they need. You won't listen effectively and you won't talk effectively if you're still thinking and feeling from your own point of view.
François de La Rochefoucauld a noted French author said this about communication, "We never listen when we are eager to speak." This is so true you must be willing to listen if you want to be able to show that you care about the other person's feelings. I also believe that your heart and your thinking have to be of pure motives and desiring to do for the other person.
Communication involves change of thinking, surrender of "it's about how I feel", listening, and talking. If you can change the thinking I believe you can improve the communication within any relationship you're in.
Consistency is making sure you start what you finish, you do what you say you will do, and you will be where you say you'll be. Of course consistency is more than what I said in the last sentence, but being consistent can help you have a stable and amazing relationship. Consistency is letting your yes be yes and your no be no. It is follow through that is not mediocre, but it is executed with excellence in mind.
You are romantic and you remain romantic throughout the relationship. You show kindness when you first started the relationship and you continue to show kindness throughout the life of the relationship. When you are consistent you show whomever you're in relationship with that they matter and that your word and your actions can be trusted.
Be consistent!
Trust is defined as, "belief that someone or something is reliable, good, honest, effective, etc," Merriam-Webster Dictionary. I look at trust as the "spiritual" extension of a person. When you trust you give someone access to who you are. You give them top secret clearance to the vulnerable you. I think that is why when trust is broken it hurts so much and it is so hard to get it back.
I also believe that trust is good, but we do it ineffectively. First you can't just trust someone based on the fact that you love them. Trust isn't something that just happens, trust has to be built. We give too much of ourselves way too early. The trust hurt most likely wouldn't hurt as badly if we built the proper foundation first and put up the appropriate expectation gates when releasing of "trusting self." In other words before I just give you all my trust we must develop trust and then I realize that like me, the person I am in relationship is human too and is prone to failure. With that in mind you'll give trust to those who built it. Look at it from the building perspective and not who deserves it perspective.
Communication and Consistency builds Trust! I'm able to share my heart with you and you will listen. I can count on you to not only be true to me, but I can count on you to be true to who you are. Trust is developed and not established or already in place. You can't just come into a relationship with trust already built, it has to develop and be birthed.
Quality Time You can't have a healthy relationship, that is saturated in consistent healthy communication and a strong developed trust without spending quality time together. Quality time is exactly what the two words imply time that is of quality. Notice I did not say quantity time, but instead time that is full of quality. I believe quite radically that even a minute together can have quality, but you have to communicate what quality time means, be consistent in spending the quality time together, and trusting that the relationship is deserving of spending time together.
Be intentional in the time you spend together and not just brush it off. Make the time special and memorable. Even if it is just watching a DVD together in the bed or going out to eat with your friends, make it special. And making it special isn't about how much money you spend, but the thoughtfulness you put into it. Make the time you spend together count.
Quality time means spending time together that is meaningful and intentional with quality wrapped all in the moments you spend with one another.
Have A Friendship : Friendship is so important in any relationship because a healthy friendship is often full of fresh perspective. A healthy friendship gives you someone you can trust, someone you can talk to, and someone you can share your heart with. You enjoy spending time with your friends and a lot of the times you want to be around your friends each and every moment you can. In intimate relationships and even long-term friendships you get TOO COMFORTABLE and lose that fresh perspective about life and about each other, but having a healthy friendship and developing those feelings of desired companionship can help revitalize any relationship you have. Add friendship to your relationships and watch it flourish.
A true friend will push you and motivate you to greatness, but also help you enjoy your life to the fullest!
I hope that this small look at these areas of relationship will help make things work out a lot better for your friendships, work relationships, and romantic relationships alike. Don't be afraid to try something new and put some sunshine into your relationships.
Joe
Twitter: @relationshipjw
Facebook: Relationships Simply Made
I shared on my IG and Twitter page these 5 tips, but I wanted to kind of go into detail of what each area is about and how we can use them to help us navigate our relationships a little better. Anyway I will stop running my mouth and give you the 5 points I would like to touch on.
5 Areas to improve on to make a relationship work:
1. Communication
2. Consistency
3. Trust
4. Spend Quality Time Together
5. Have a Friendship
Communication is not just two people talking, but complete surrender of selfish motives and ideas to hear the heart of someone else. I know you're probably saying what are you talking about. Most times we are absolutely confused on what it means to communicate effectively. We think that if we are allowing each other to speak, there is no yelling or cursing, and we walk away happy that we have effectively communicated. That's nice, but have you found yourself still misunderstood or the problem that you have discussed still isn't fixed? If you have felt like this you have probably felt like effective communication just doesn't work. However, we take the tips that we learn and only use about 5 percent of it and the other 95 percent we continue to operate in our ineffective communication styles.
Communication is more than talking or listening, but it is a change in attitude; communication is a change in seeking what I want and what I need to give to the other person what they want and what they need. You won't listen effectively and you won't talk effectively if you're still thinking and feeling from your own point of view.
François de La Rochefoucauld a noted French author said this about communication, "We never listen when we are eager to speak." This is so true you must be willing to listen if you want to be able to show that you care about the other person's feelings. I also believe that your heart and your thinking have to be of pure motives and desiring to do for the other person.
Communication involves change of thinking, surrender of "it's about how I feel", listening, and talking. If you can change the thinking I believe you can improve the communication within any relationship you're in.
Consistency is making sure you start what you finish, you do what you say you will do, and you will be where you say you'll be. Of course consistency is more than what I said in the last sentence, but being consistent can help you have a stable and amazing relationship. Consistency is letting your yes be yes and your no be no. It is follow through that is not mediocre, but it is executed with excellence in mind.
You are romantic and you remain romantic throughout the relationship. You show kindness when you first started the relationship and you continue to show kindness throughout the life of the relationship. When you are consistent you show whomever you're in relationship with that they matter and that your word and your actions can be trusted.
Be consistent!
Trust is defined as, "belief that someone or something is reliable, good, honest, effective, etc," Merriam-Webster Dictionary. I look at trust as the "spiritual" extension of a person. When you trust you give someone access to who you are. You give them top secret clearance to the vulnerable you. I think that is why when trust is broken it hurts so much and it is so hard to get it back.
I also believe that trust is good, but we do it ineffectively. First you can't just trust someone based on the fact that you love them. Trust isn't something that just happens, trust has to be built. We give too much of ourselves way too early. The trust hurt most likely wouldn't hurt as badly if we built the proper foundation first and put up the appropriate expectation gates when releasing of "trusting self." In other words before I just give you all my trust we must develop trust and then I realize that like me, the person I am in relationship is human too and is prone to failure. With that in mind you'll give trust to those who built it. Look at it from the building perspective and not who deserves it perspective.
Communication and Consistency builds Trust! I'm able to share my heart with you and you will listen. I can count on you to not only be true to me, but I can count on you to be true to who you are. Trust is developed and not established or already in place. You can't just come into a relationship with trust already built, it has to develop and be birthed.
Quality Time You can't have a healthy relationship, that is saturated in consistent healthy communication and a strong developed trust without spending quality time together. Quality time is exactly what the two words imply time that is of quality. Notice I did not say quantity time, but instead time that is full of quality. I believe quite radically that even a minute together can have quality, but you have to communicate what quality time means, be consistent in spending the quality time together, and trusting that the relationship is deserving of spending time together.
Be intentional in the time you spend together and not just brush it off. Make the time special and memorable. Even if it is just watching a DVD together in the bed or going out to eat with your friends, make it special. And making it special isn't about how much money you spend, but the thoughtfulness you put into it. Make the time you spend together count.
Quality time means spending time together that is meaningful and intentional with quality wrapped all in the moments you spend with one another.
Have A Friendship : Friendship is so important in any relationship because a healthy friendship is often full of fresh perspective. A healthy friendship gives you someone you can trust, someone you can talk to, and someone you can share your heart with. You enjoy spending time with your friends and a lot of the times you want to be around your friends each and every moment you can. In intimate relationships and even long-term friendships you get TOO COMFORTABLE and lose that fresh perspective about life and about each other, but having a healthy friendship and developing those feelings of desired companionship can help revitalize any relationship you have. Add friendship to your relationships and watch it flourish.
A true friend will push you and motivate you to greatness, but also help you enjoy your life to the fullest!
I hope that this small look at these areas of relationship will help make things work out a lot better for your friendships, work relationships, and romantic relationships alike. Don't be afraid to try something new and put some sunshine into your relationships.
Joe
Twitter: @relationshipjw
Facebook: Relationships Simply Made
Stop waiting for someone to come along and tell you who you are. You have to tell yourself that you are great. If an identity wasn't given to you, you have to give one to yourself. I know that we are trying to make our relationships work. I know that we are trying to successfully navigate romance, friendships, family relationships, and work relationships; you can't do that if there is no belief in who you are TO YOU!
It starts with loving you. The healthy relationship starts with you!
lovethebestway.blogspot.com
Twitter: @relationshipjw
Facebook.com/RelationshipsSimplyMade
It starts with loving you. The healthy relationship starts with you!
lovethebestway.blogspot.com
Twitter: @relationshipjw
Facebook.com/RelationshipsSimplyMade
Stop being selfish with the loving husbands and wives.
Why in the world are you married and sex is the gift for you; stop withholding sex from one another.
It is not ok to not sex each other on a regular basis.
No chore sex please. Some people say that it is still sex and you should be happy, but no one just wants someone to lay there or to be like, "please just hurry up and finish so I can go back to shopping."
Please have a regular mutually agreed upon sex time with one another.
Don't let the sex get boring.
Come on guys and gals share the treasure. Sex one another as much as you can!
It is still ok to have quickies!
It is still ok to have booty calls with your spouse!
Enjoy
Why in the world are you married and sex is the gift for you; stop withholding sex from one another.
It is not ok to not sex each other on a regular basis.
No chore sex please. Some people say that it is still sex and you should be happy, but no one just wants someone to lay there or to be like, "please just hurry up and finish so I can go back to shopping."
Please have a regular mutually agreed upon sex time with one another.
Don't let the sex get boring.
Come on guys and gals share the treasure. Sex one another as much as you can!
It is still ok to have quickies!
It is still ok to have booty calls with your spouse!
Enjoy
“Communication
is at the heart of intimate human relationships, it is literally the foundation
on which all else is built,” David H. Olson.
The quote above says it all. I am telling you the truth that without communication there is no foundation on which your relationship can stand. I do understand that we struggle in relationships and life doesn't always make it easy for two people to get along, but if there is a conversation going on I believe that you can make it through anything.
A lot of times the issues isn't that we don't want to communicate, but the issues is that we don't know how to communicate effectively.
The first thing you have to do is learn how to listen more than talking. Listening goes beyond just the ability to hear. With listening you have to take in the information your are receiving and process it. You can't process what someone is saying if you are thinking of how to defend your point or negate what they are saying. So take the time to learn how to listen and to process, that way when it is your turn to speak, you can give them a sense that you heard what they said and acknowledge that you hear what they are trying to convey from what they have said.
You listen to gain an understanding and not a rebuttal when you are trying to communicate. If you are debating than building your case is just fine.
Secondly you want to learn how to speak to one another and not talk at one another. I have to work on this point in communicating effectively with my significant other. This is especially important when you and your spouse are discussing something that has your emotions boiling. The biggest thing to remember is to speak to one another how you would want to be spoken to. Be mindful of the level/tone you both are speaking to one another. That can happen by referring to step one and that is to listen. You want to get someone to stop yelling, don't join in on the yelling match with them. Most times people will come down to the level you're at. If that doesn't work, ask for a moment, and restart the conversation to see if that will get your engines cooled.
Yelling doesn't get your point across it only shows you have reached your limit in effectively communicating.
Finally you have to practice effective communication. If you are not speaking to each other or you only come together to argue, you have to do better. Effective communication is not something you just have or you're born with. You have to practice and you have to be taught.
It is very important that you surround yourself around people that know how to communicate effectively, that know how to fight fair, and they want to help your relationship succeed.
Communication is so important so work on it.
The quote above says it all. I am telling you the truth that without communication there is no foundation on which your relationship can stand. I do understand that we struggle in relationships and life doesn't always make it easy for two people to get along, but if there is a conversation going on I believe that you can make it through anything.
A lot of times the issues isn't that we don't want to communicate, but the issues is that we don't know how to communicate effectively.
The first thing you have to do is learn how to listen more than talking. Listening goes beyond just the ability to hear. With listening you have to take in the information your are receiving and process it. You can't process what someone is saying if you are thinking of how to defend your point or negate what they are saying. So take the time to learn how to listen and to process, that way when it is your turn to speak, you can give them a sense that you heard what they said and acknowledge that you hear what they are trying to convey from what they have said.
You listen to gain an understanding and not a rebuttal when you are trying to communicate. If you are debating than building your case is just fine.
Secondly you want to learn how to speak to one another and not talk at one another. I have to work on this point in communicating effectively with my significant other. This is especially important when you and your spouse are discussing something that has your emotions boiling. The biggest thing to remember is to speak to one another how you would want to be spoken to. Be mindful of the level/tone you both are speaking to one another. That can happen by referring to step one and that is to listen. You want to get someone to stop yelling, don't join in on the yelling match with them. Most times people will come down to the level you're at. If that doesn't work, ask for a moment, and restart the conversation to see if that will get your engines cooled.
Yelling doesn't get your point across it only shows you have reached your limit in effectively communicating.
Finally you have to practice effective communication. If you are not speaking to each other or you only come together to argue, you have to do better. Effective communication is not something you just have or you're born with. You have to practice and you have to be taught.
It is very important that you surround yourself around people that know how to communicate effectively, that know how to fight fair, and they want to help your relationship succeed.
Communication is so important so work on it.
Why does it seem that when you've been in a relationship for a longtime that we seem to forget how to be kind to one another. I mean in the beginning it was nothing but hugs and kisses, but now it seems that we just wake up to make sure the other is breathing.
How do we wake up with an attitude? How is it that the first thing you say to your significant other is said with an attitude? Some of us are so bad that we don't say anything to one another unless it is a goodbye or see you late when it is time to go to work.
There isn't much that I want to say in this post, but I do want to encourage all the couples out there to wake up and give each other a kiss and a smile in the morning. I believe strongly in how you start will be how you will finish. I know that with every thing that goes on with life and relationships that sometimes it is a struggle to be nice to one another, but try.
Life really is too short to not at least show some kindness to the one you say you love.
In the morning greet one another with a kiss and a smile in the morning.
How do we wake up with an attitude? How is it that the first thing you say to your significant other is said with an attitude? Some of us are so bad that we don't say anything to one another unless it is a goodbye or see you late when it is time to go to work.
There isn't much that I want to say in this post, but I do want to encourage all the couples out there to wake up and give each other a kiss and a smile in the morning. I believe strongly in how you start will be how you will finish. I know that with every thing that goes on with life and relationships that sometimes it is a struggle to be nice to one another, but try.
Life really is too short to not at least show some kindness to the one you say you love.
In the morning greet one another with a kiss and a smile in the morning.
Testimony from Nakeesha: I am so thankful to God for my husband Kevin. He is so patient and giving. Because of these traits( there are many more) the more we become one, the more I glean from this quality and make it my own. It has taught me how to communicate and not argue AND how so much conflict can be avoided if patience, wisdom, prayer, and time take over. Thank you boo for being my gift and making me better. Thanks for letting me share!
Visit Relationships Simply Made:
Relationships Simply Made
relationshipssimplymade@gmail.com
Visit Relationships Simply Made:
Relationships Simply Made
relationshipssimplymade@gmail.com
lovethebestway.blogspot.com
follow me on twitter: @relationshipjw
Like us RSM on Facebook: facebook.com/RelationshipsSimplyMade
In our relationships let's stop looking to be happy, but let's work to be healthy! Happiness changes with the seasons, but healthiness is a lifestyle!
I am not telling you that you're not to be happy in your relationships. As a matter of fact I believe that happiness or joy should be what you receive from being in relationships. However, we make the mistake to build our relationships on the fickleness of happiness and not on a stronger foundation like healthiness.
It is not possible to make someone happy. We lose out when we try to do "things" to please and make a person happy. We as human beings struggle with making and keeping ourselves happy, so how in the world can you make someone happy all the time and maintain your own happiness?
Relationships Simply Made proposes that we no longer go after a temporary change, but we seek a more stable foundation: Healthiness!
Seek healthiness and not happiness. Chase after the principles and attitudes that make a healthy relationship.
Healthy, Engaging, and Encouraging Communication
Healthy and Positive Intimacy
Healthy and Intentional Quality Time
Healthy and Empowering Conflict Resolution
For Married Couples: Healthy, Exhilarating, Consistent: Sex, Sexual Communication, and Sexual Intimacy
Healthy, Consistent, Active Spiritual Life
Healthy Living: Exercise and Healthy Eating
If you seek these things in your relationship believe me you will be rewarded with happiness. If you seek to only to be "pleased" in a relationship whether friendships or intimate relationships, you will be disappointed. However, seeking to be healthy holds each person accountable to managing their own emotions, communicating those feelings with those they are in relationship with, and bringing to whole people to the relationship.
Healthiness equals Happiness. A healthy relationship promotes happiness in everyone working towards being healthy.
Visit Relationships Simply Made:
Relationships Simply Made
lovethebestway.blogspot.com
follow me on twitter: @relationshipjw
Like us RSM on Facebook: facebook.com/RelationshipsSimplyMade
One of the most destructive things in a relationship is a lie. I know that there are things that we deem as "white lies" so I guess I am not talking about those. If you want to have an amazing, awesome, and astounding relationship here is my advice: "STOP LYING!"
Relationships Simply Made
Visit Relationships Simply Made:
Visit Relationships Simply Made:
Relationships Simply Made
lovetherightway.blogspot.com
follow me on twitter: @relationshipjw
Like us RSM on Facebook: facebook.com/RelationshipsSimplyMade
Why are you chasing after someone who does not want you? Why do you make it hard for yourself to get into a meaningful relationship because you are stuck on someone that is not interested in a relationship?
This can't be what you want out of life? I know that it seems hard to let go and find someone that wants what you want, but it can't work. A relationship can't be imaginary or one-sided.
If they say the love you but can't or won't commit to you, YOU need to MOVE ON!
So it has been a while since I have sat down at my computer and actually blogged. It is possibly because I have not had much time to do so. I mean with getting through the first year of marriage, a baby on the way, adjusting to being a father to a very active and determined 4-year-old, and now moving? Yes I have a lot to blog about, but finding the time to do it has been the issue.
I also have been trying to find a way to grab the attention of the readers. How can I pull you in with what I write and keep you right here. How can I get you to comment and check out what I am writing. I have followers and I am really appreciative of that, but I am trying to find out how to keep you all interested and give me feedback.
So I am thinking of buying a new car and I am super excited about doing so. However I'm not looking forward to having a car note again. I understand though that I have to do this so that my family and I will have room when we travel and do things. So a SUV with a third row is what I am feeling. I just want to make sure we get a good deal because some of these dealerships try to destroy your pockets.
My wife is so beautiful pregnant and we are praying for a healthy baby.
So...
I also have been trying to find a way to grab the attention of the readers. How can I pull you in with what I write and keep you right here. How can I get you to comment and check out what I am writing. I have followers and I am really appreciative of that, but I am trying to find out how to keep you all interested and give me feedback.
So I am thinking of buying a new car and I am super excited about doing so. However I'm not looking forward to having a car note again. I understand though that I have to do this so that my family and I will have room when we travel and do things. So a SUV with a third row is what I am feeling. I just want to make sure we get a good deal because some of these dealerships try to destroy your pockets.
My wife is so beautiful pregnant and we are praying for a healthy baby.
So...
Whether it is in a dating relationship, domestic partnership, union, or marriage, cheating or the thought of cheating is something that one must deal with or overcome. It is within the best interest of your relationship and marriage to be open and honest on what you both view as cheating, how you both feel about cheating, and how you will both feel if you are cheated on. I know it may be a difficult conversation to have, but to ignore it; to believe that it wouldn't happen to you, could ultimately lead to you facing this relationship challenge sooner than you think.
Cheating is a growth or a subtle disease that lies dormant waiting for an opportunity to be fed and given life. It is possibly not even the norm for the person or persons it has now infected. The relationship is going well and the couple has found a good footing in their relationship. Things are working out and they are content. With this foundation in place, the couple begin to become comfortable within the realm of their relationship and forget to pay attention to each other. They forget to talk to one another, hang out with one another, and date one another; they forget to have non-chore-like sex with one another, and they forget to build one another up.
The growth begins to pulsate as it is now being fed doubt and insecurity. One or both individuals within the relationship may begin to feel neglected or hurt in some way, but they do not want to disrupt the nexus of their seemingly impenetrable relationship; it is working for them, "if it ain't broke don't fix it," and they ignore the signs and symptoms that their is a void forming within them and pretty soon their significant other won't be able to fill it.
Let me pause here and clarify some things. The person or persons that is progressively growing this void doesn't automatically revert to cheating. There is a difference in my opinion between a cheater and someone who has cheated. I know I said the same thing when I typed that last sentence, "what?" A cheater lives for cheating; cheating for the cheater is a thrill and a conscious way for them to seemingly have a successful relationship. The cheater says, "I cheat to make my relationship work. I cheat to make things interesting." This is not the case for someone who has allowed the cheating growth to develop within them from a lack of communication and honest expression of their growing displeasure with their relationship.
The growth begins to invade your thoughts and your decision making skills. It infects your hurt and pain and causes your perspective to become skewed. Issues within the relationship become bigger than what they really are and you begin to live in this, "It is better to not say anything than to deal with what is going on. I don't want to argue." <<<<< That statement right there is a killer.
Well I am going to stop right here because I don't want to lose you in a very long post. If you are interested in reading more. Comment on this post and ask for PT 2 to Cheating Growth or hit me up on Twitter at @jspotwriter or @relationshipjw with the hashtag #pleasewritePT2
The jwriter
Cheating is a growth or a subtle disease that lies dormant waiting for an opportunity to be fed and given life. It is possibly not even the norm for the person or persons it has now infected. The relationship is going well and the couple has found a good footing in their relationship. Things are working out and they are content. With this foundation in place, the couple begin to become comfortable within the realm of their relationship and forget to pay attention to each other. They forget to talk to one another, hang out with one another, and date one another; they forget to have non-chore-like sex with one another, and they forget to build one another up.
The growth begins to pulsate as it is now being fed doubt and insecurity. One or both individuals within the relationship may begin to feel neglected or hurt in some way, but they do not want to disrupt the nexus of their seemingly impenetrable relationship; it is working for them, "if it ain't broke don't fix it," and they ignore the signs and symptoms that their is a void forming within them and pretty soon their significant other won't be able to fill it.
Let me pause here and clarify some things. The person or persons that is progressively growing this void doesn't automatically revert to cheating. There is a difference in my opinion between a cheater and someone who has cheated. I know I said the same thing when I typed that last sentence, "what?" A cheater lives for cheating; cheating for the cheater is a thrill and a conscious way for them to seemingly have a successful relationship. The cheater says, "I cheat to make my relationship work. I cheat to make things interesting." This is not the case for someone who has allowed the cheating growth to develop within them from a lack of communication and honest expression of their growing displeasure with their relationship.
The growth begins to invade your thoughts and your decision making skills. It infects your hurt and pain and causes your perspective to become skewed. Issues within the relationship become bigger than what they really are and you begin to live in this, "It is better to not say anything than to deal with what is going on. I don't want to argue." <<<<< That statement right there is a killer.
Well I am going to stop right here because I don't want to lose you in a very long post. If you are interested in reading more. Comment on this post and ask for PT 2 to Cheating Growth or hit me up on Twitter at @jspotwriter or @relationshipjw with the hashtag #pleasewritePT2
The jwriter
There are moments when I become consumed by an overwhelming sense of darkness. It seems that it comes and completely suffocates me. It is strange however that I don't feel bad or fearful when this darkness covers me. It isn't necessarily "evil" or "dangerous", but I equate it to darkness for me because it is when it is dark that I dream and I am able to reflect. I used to try to avoid the darkness; I didn't want to reflect, I didn't want to dream, but like falling asleep when you're exhausted, I sleep and reflect in the darkness most times without warning.
Reflection for me often brings depression. I find myself fighting through old pain or deep regret. I spent many years trying to find who I was, many years trying to prove that I am what I say I am, and not caring what people said or thought about me. Everything that has stung me, that has hurt me, that has tried to break me; everything is reflected upon when the "darkness" comes. I have no control of when it comes and I have tried to stop it from coming. How do you stop your growth period? How do you stop what is needed to help you grow?
Is this darkness fun? No this darkness is not fun. Is this darkness all bad? No it isn't all bad. Through the tears;
a river of tears consistently flowing whenever I'm reflecting, through the tears I find strength. I find new strength and I find the ability to dream lucidly even during the dark times.
I want to encourage those who read this during your reflection period to learn something from it. It is possible that you don't call your reflection period the darkness, but when your "darkness" is in sight embrace it and see what you must learn.
So journal I'm writing to you tonight with a lot on my mind. I guess I'm just growing tired of the ever changing moods. To be honest I just struggle with things appearing to be fine one moment and then the next BAM, things are quiet and cold. I really just struggle to maintain my footing.
Tonight I got to experience a marriage ministry for the first time. I have to say that it was very powerful and enlightening. I enjoyed observing the couples and seeing how they interacted with one another and listening to the lead couple sharing a powerful and transparent presentation on marriage and overcoming. It was also important to see that I'm not the only husband who may feel like it is too much on my shoulders or to see that someone else's wife struggles with being a strong, supportive, and caring wife. It was just a powerful situation. It was a powerful story.
But what happens when it all ends? What happens when there is no one around and the services at church are over? What are we feeling? What are we going home to? These were some of the questions I was asking myself as we were leaving. I was hoping and praying that we would all go home to excited laughs, cuddle time, possibly a nice romantic shower together, or physical intimacy that would blow the couples mind.
I was hoping that it wasn't coldness or quiet anger. I was hoping that people did not return home to the frustration and anger they left before coming to the marriage ministry. I was hoping for some peace. Journal I grow so weary sometimes and like the minister said tonight, just tired of bleeding. I want the wounds to heal for us all. I want us all to come home to a better marriage and a peaceful home.
For those of you who read this and you have what I hope for us all, pray for other couples and encourage them as well.
So...
Tonight I got to experience a marriage ministry for the first time. I have to say that it was very powerful and enlightening. I enjoyed observing the couples and seeing how they interacted with one another and listening to the lead couple sharing a powerful and transparent presentation on marriage and overcoming. It was also important to see that I'm not the only husband who may feel like it is too much on my shoulders or to see that someone else's wife struggles with being a strong, supportive, and caring wife. It was just a powerful situation. It was a powerful story.
But what happens when it all ends? What happens when there is no one around and the services at church are over? What are we feeling? What are we going home to? These were some of the questions I was asking myself as we were leaving. I was hoping and praying that we would all go home to excited laughs, cuddle time, possibly a nice romantic shower together, or physical intimacy that would blow the couples mind.
I was hoping that it wasn't coldness or quiet anger. I was hoping that people did not return home to the frustration and anger they left before coming to the marriage ministry. I was hoping for some peace. Journal I grow so weary sometimes and like the minister said tonight, just tired of bleeding. I want the wounds to heal for us all. I want us all to come home to a better marriage and a peaceful home.
For those of you who read this and you have what I hope for us all, pray for other couples and encourage them as well.
So...
