How Do You Let Go?

“I never had a chance to grieve before everyone told me to let it go. I wish I could get over it just like that, but it isn’t that easy,” – A man who lost his mother at a young age.

“Before I could even stop having the nightmares of what he did to me to escape my mind, I had to overcome the nightmares of the people who kept telling me it happened such a long time ago,”- A young woman who was raped by a family member.

“No one knows the abuse I’ve endured at the hands of my sister, but I will have to soon be free from it I guess. Everyone tells me I should,”- A woman who has spent years trying to overcome the abuse of a presently abusive sibling.

(Forms of abuse: Physical, Emotional, Verbal, Sexual)

We never know how our words or actions can affect someone. The stain of abuse and hurt can last for years to come. Abuse even has the propensity to become a cycle and the abused can become the abuser. It doesn’t happen in every case, but believe me there are some residuals that are left permanently engraved in a person if they have had to endure abuse. But the hardest part about abuse is the people who make the abused feel guilty about being abused in the first place. The people, who tell the abused to just let it go, or you don’t need counseling, you don’t need to tell people your business, it happened such a long time ago; yeah just get over it. Sad to say it, but you even have people in the church who tell a person to get over it and leave the person feeling more abused.

I’m no stranger to abuse and I have heard the words of people telling me to let it go. Sometimes people say it because they don’t really know what to say. Sometimes people say it because they don’t know how to deal with all the emotions. (I for one am a firm believer that if you don’t know what to say, you probably shouldn’t say anything at all.) Whatever the case may be, I’m here to tell you that letting it go is an important step in healing, but you must do it on your own terms and in your own time. There are steps to dealing with being abused and forgiveness is a huge part of it, but honestly it usually isn’t the first step.

So the question is how do you let go? I would honestly suggest that if you have a relationship to with God that you should give it to Him first. Then you must accept that the abuse occurred and surround yourself around people that you can trust, that won’t judge you or unintentionally re-abuse you (make you feel like it was your fault), tell someone you can trust about the abuse i.e. pastor, therapist, counselor, parents, etc; be honest, don’t isolate yourself, don’t turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with the results of the abuse i.e. harming yourself or others, drinking, drugging, engaging in risky behaviors i.e. unhealthy/dangerous sexual encounters, driving recklessly, etc.

I do believe that forgiveness is a truly important step to letting go and believe me when I tell you that forgiving a person truly sets you free. I also believe that you must do it on your own time.
I’m praying for you.

jwriter
Joe4christ.blogspot.com