So journal it has been a very long time since you and I have sat and talked. I guess the biggest thing has been that I have been too busy to sit down at my computer and chat with you.

At this moment I have been really focused on my desire to achieve. I think to be very honest with you I have been really obsessed with achieving and truly afraid of failure. It is a real struggle for me when I fail, I guess being told most of my life that I will be nothing but a failure, my nature as an older child (sort of a perfectionist, sort of an overachiever,), and just my desire to prove people wrong. I hate to fail and when it happens I obsess over the failure and forget to get back on the road towards winning.

I don't want to fail and so that leads me to stop trying. I go no where and I end up stuck in this never ending cycle of failure and disappointment. I didn't pass my licensure exam three years ago and did not want to take it ever again. A play I wanted to put on did not go through and I stop doing plays for years. I had writers block for a book I wanted to write and so I trashed it and never went back to it.

You see my point right journal? I hate to fail. However I hate even more to be stagnate. I don't like complaining or feeling like everyone else is moving forward and I'm stuck. I can't afford this type of thinking anymore. I have a wife and a son now. I have to start building a future and a legacy for my children's children. I want to truly make something of myself. I'm tired of struggling or living pay check to pay check. I want more for my family and for myself. I know that I have to make moves. But the fear is very overwhelming.

So journal I can tell you this one thing I despise potty training. I will not go into a long drawn out story, but I will just say this I wish I knew how the first parents managed potty training. Someone has to tell me SOMETHING!

Anyway I hope you enjoy yourself and I hope you enjoyed reading this post!

So...

I think it is a good idea for every couple to set aside days to be romantic with each other. In this post I am going to offer suggestions and hopefully there will be many romantic moments with one another.

Plan a romantic day for each other at least once a month. Plan the day with different things to do like a movie, a nice lunch or picnic, maybe shopping together for nice romantic gifts, or gift exchanges. Or plan a romantic candle lit dinner at home together, turn on some sexy music to set the mood, and take a candle lit bath together. The most important thing about this suggestion is to make sure that you remember the day and you make sure you give each other your full undivided attention.

Do a couples massage either at a spa or right at home. I suggest you find some warming massage oils or you can also use baby oil as well. Again use the candle light and music to set the mood.

Go to a nice hotel for the weekend. If you have children please get a babysitter on retainer or start a baby sitting network amongst your married friends and trade nights with one another. Pick a hotel that has a nice pool, hot tub, or something unique you can do as a couple.

Go on a wine tour together or if you're really froggy go to wine camp where they teach you to cook with wine together, you do groups with other couples, and you have romantic dinners filled with you guessed it wine!

Whatever you do enjoy yourselves as a couple.

Happy Romantic Nights!

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” – George Bernard Shaw

“It is greed to do all the talking but not to want to listen at all.” – Democritus

“An open ear is the only believable sign of an open heart.” — David Augsburger

"Sex is a part of nature. I go along with nature". -- Marilyn Monroe

“I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.” ― Woody Allen

“Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.”
― Mae West

Why in marriages and serious long-term relationships when things get rough two of the most important things end up leaving first. I know some people will disagree with me that sex isn't as important as communication; possibly they would put paying bills, or going out on dates, or even romance up there, but sex in my opinion is very important and it is always the first thing to go.

I ask this question because I truly believe in marriage that communication (I will put it first) and sex (intimacy, romance, and love is included) are very important to sticking and keeping the individuals together. I also believe a strong faith and foundation in God to not only seal, but also protect marriage/relationship is the most important.

So the question is why are they the first to go? 1.) God, 2.) Communication, and 3.) Sex; life comes up against the married couple and boom these things disappear. They are no longer in the forefront our our marriage and we end up perplexed as to why we are no longer in love, no longer infatuated, and more willing to separate or divorce.

Communication I believe is the only way that two distinct and different individuals will be able to understand a learn about one another. Effective communication builds intimacy, develops understanding, shares ideas, deepens feelings, and helps individuals navigate life on each others' terms and not the terms of their individual selves. You don't throw away communication when you're upset with one another or things are rough; those are the times when communication should increase.

I also find it hard to make a plea for the importance of sex because of how we view it. I believe sex is solely viewed as an act of pleasure, a period of release, a conquest, a chore; how can I plead my case, especially for marriages when sex is just looked at as a means to an end or a chore? Sex is pleasurable, but it isn't just for pleasure. Sex is a release, but it shouldn't just be selfishly used to get a release. Sex should lead to intimacy, increase the love you have, build connection, and especially provide pleasure. Sex, if the couple is ready and prepared should lead to children as well. (Only if you're ready for the responsibility of children.)

God gave us sex as a gift. We should appreciate the gift that we have. For those of us who have been raised in Christianity have been told that we should wait to have sex until we are married. We get married and we either dishonor the gift of marriage or we don't have sex at all. I believe we have to do much better.

So again I ask you why is sex and communication the first to go? Let's stop and think about it.

Hebrews 11: 1- Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

I have learned that faith is not hoping, but faith is knowing! Faith is having complete trust that God has our best interest in mind, that He wants what is best for us, that we know He will do just want He said he would do, and that we trust Him with our very being.

I am learning that faith has to be complete trust. You can't pray and then doubt. That is backwards thinking. Why would you want to drive your car forward, but keep the gear in reverse? You have to pray and move forward. Faith is not just praying and leaving it be, but there must be a forward movement on your part. That is where faith meets trust!

Here is the formula I came up with: James 2:26-- For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also. (Forward Moving Faith) + Matthew 6:30-- But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today exists, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, won't he much more clothe you, you of little faith? (Complete Trust in God) = John 14:13-- And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. (Answered Prayers and Blessings).

Faith + Trust = God Moving

And the equation works the other way around as well:

Trust + Faith= God Moving

Let us stop moving backward and proclaiming that we believe in Jesus Christ. He said Ask, Seek, and Knock and you shall receive.

I am ready to receive. I am ready to move forward!

My honest opinion is no. But I know that many people, especially a lot of women would argue that women can. So I guess it stands to reason that not only do I feel women can't have emotionless sex, but that no one can.

Sex encompasses so much more than physical contact. And most people have to be connected to some kind of emotion when engaging in sex. The biggest emotion that we often experience before sex and hopefully afterwards is happiness. Happiness = emotion. Often times people have angry sex. (angry equals emotion). Some people are sad with the sex they are having because it isn't that great. Sadness is sadly yes an emotion. I could go on and on, but I think that I have proven that neither men nor women can have emotionless sex.

I know you guys are reading this and laughing. So I'm sorry, but honestly I really don't think anyone should have pointless, emotionless, no strings attached sex. Call me traditional or a hopeless romantic, but I really believe that sex is way more involved. Sex invades our minds, hearts, and bodies. And I believe that for the most part women are more connected to their minds and emotions; and that most of us men just function on our pride and our desires. That is not to say we men are not smart, but sex for us is totally different. You can argue that point with me as well, but it is my opinion.

I also think women have done this whole I can have no strings attached casual sex because they want to battle with men, "anything a man can do a woman can do better," And honestly ladies you have proven your point. You can lay down with as many men and force yourself to believe that it meant nothing, but what have you truly gained. Does it make men look at you differently? And do you really walk away with nothing? Do you feel nothing? Are you really liberated because you can have casual sex?

Stop and think about it!

1 Thess 5:16-17: Pray without ceasing. In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.

I'm trying to gain a lifestyle of prayer. So long I have had a habit of praying, but now I feel that my prayers have become "vain repetitions" and prayer has become a nightly routine or car ride action.
Matthew 6:7 says, "But when ye pray, use not vain repetitions, as the heathen do: for they think that they shall be heard for their much speaking." I do not want to do business as usual with God anymore. I really do not want prayer to be a habit, but I want it to be a lifestyle.

At this point in time I truly need God to move in my life. I can't be the only one that wants, no needs God to move in my life, in my home, in my family, at work, etc; I really want to see the manifestation of God's blessings and glory in my life. I truly believe that this can happen if you have an active prayer life. That it isn't a chore, but your time spent with God above is spent in complete and utter bliss of speaking to Him, listening to Him, and being intimate with Him in prayer. I think even for those who are burdened to pray and intercede; can find solace in answering the call to pray; making time for Him and making time to pray for others can become natural and not such a chore.

I really hope that I can master being a praying Christian and not a Christian who prays. The difference is one is a part of the Christians lifestyle. It is like breathing for the praying Christian. And it isn't just when you're at church or you are asked to pray, but you pray and you learn how to pray, you understand the importance of prayer, and you're listening to God as well.

I pray for the Lord's will do be done in my prayers now. Meaning I don't waste time asking God for the same things day in or day out; I pray for God's will to be done and I trust that He will bless me and move in my life as He sees fit, He knows what I need and desire, and I have faith He will keep His Word!

Have Faith, Trust, and Pray in God's Will.

As I have tried to make clear, no one can make you happy, but they can/should contribute to the happiness you should have within yourself. Since I did a post on Signs of a Happy Wife, I thought I would do one for the Husbands.

Again this is about awareness or getting better at pointing out when our spouse or loved ones are at their highest points or flying on cloud nine. For men being happy contributes to our overall esteem, the way we react to life as a whole, and how we treat those around us. Understanding these points that I have identified will hopefully help wives and husbands better connect and understand one another.

Here is what I identified, but remember this is my opinion:

1. A Happy Husband Wants to Work and Provide for His Family.
2. A Happy Husband Is Willing, Able, and Ready to Have Sex.
3. A Happy Husband Can't Wait To Get Home To His Wife and Family.
4. A Happy Husband Enjoys Time With His Friends and His Wife Enjoying Time With Her Friends.
5. A Happy Husband Is Romantic and Affectionate Towards His Wife.

When a husband is happy he is enthusiastic about going to work and providing for his family. The key to this is that he is providing. Any man with a family can go out and work; some love going to an awful job to get away from home. But a man who is happy at home and happy within his marriage wants to go out and work and is fulfilled that he can do for his family; even if it is paying the mortgage or light bill. Having a job and the ability to work is attached to a man's ego and esteem. You want to know an unhappy man with low self-esteem; let him not be working or better yet not able to provide. Your husband may not even say anything outwardly, but inwardly it is affecting him. A way to keep this up wives is to show appreciation to your husband for his hard work, take interest in how his day at work went, and let him know how much you love him for being a provider. This will motivate him to jump out of bed to get to work, even if it is a job he doesn't care for. His joy comes from being able to provide. Having the drive and happiness to do this is a great sign of joy!

A happy husband is willing, able, and ready to have sex with his wife. I know people think that men are just horn dogs that are ready for action every time they see you. This is truth for a lot of us men, but one indication that a man's emotional fuel tank is on low are the times when sex is not a desire or priority for them. A lot of times women have used this indicator as a possible sign that their husband is getting sex or sexual fulfillment from somewhere else; it may even be true for some, but the biggest sign comes way before infidelity comes into play. Most men, if not all, are seeking almost daily to have sex with their wives and have to adjust to her sexual temperature, because most women operate on a lower sexual drive than most men. So even if they are getting it once a month, 2x a week, or once a year; when that time comes they are ready for it and take full advantage of it. However if the happiness meter is low and they are not willing, able, and ready to have sex with their wife; it is time for a serious, nonjudgmental talk. It is possible that they are unhappy at work, unhappy with how much sex they do get from their wives, unhappy about a loved one passing, or just stressed; however this indicator should let both of you know to talk some things out and "WORK" some things out in the bedroom or kitchen counter. Just don't let this fester. Like work and providing, sex with the wife and great sex with the wife will keep a husband happy and fulfilled.

Your husband is happy when he comes home to you, his wife! I say this because I have met so many men who would rather drive around in their cars, chill alone at the bar, or be with friends. They prefer to do this because they do not like being home. Home isn't a safe place for them. They come home to nagging, fussing, arguments, or some other stress. May be they are the ones doing all the nagging and arguing because they can't address what is going on inside their heads. Whatever the case may be, a sign of a happy husband is when coming home is first on his list. He wants to be there, and when he gets home he greets you if you're home, he is into the children, he helps out at home, or he comes home and kicks his feet up. If he has plans, you best believe that a happy husband has let his wife know that he has plans, but also let's her know he can't wait to get home to her. You want your husband to be at this place. Again if you don't see this it maybe time for some communication.

This next sign of a happy husband is something I think a lot of people miss out on. When you get married yes your family comes first, but having friendships that build and grow you are very important. This is in my opinion is vital for a man! An isolated man can become easily comfortable and often unhappy because we thrive on our friendships and having that hangout time with the Fellaz.
I do agree husbands do need positive friends in their lives, but I believe the same thing for women. A guy needs that time with his homeboys and if he is unwilling to hangout with them and says I just want to be at home; take a look at his emotional fuel tank. I'm not saying a husband shouldn't want to be home with his wife and family, but getting that time to hang out and wanting that time is a sign that we are happy. We get to talk about our lives, we get to talk real, and we get to just laugh and joke. You also know your husband is happy when he is OK with you hanging out with your friends. The positive friends lol, but nonetheless he is OK and not threatened because you want to hang out. If you have a husband that encourages you to hangout with friends, you have a happy husband.

Finally your husband is happy when he is intimate and romantic towards you. Your husband may not be Casanova, but he knows how to be thoughtful and wants to bring you flowers, hold your hands, or cook a nice candle lit dinner for you. He takes his time when kissing you or trying to get you in the mood. He is so happy it spills over in his intimacy towards you. When men are emotionally disconnected, they are often hampered in showing any kind of affection or romance. If they do do it it is often to prevent you from nagging him or becoming upset, but who wants someone to do something that their heart is not in it. You might say hey he is still having sex with me, but sex and intimacy and affection are so different in a lot of ways. You want to be connected on more than a physical level right? So you know you have a happy husband when he is motivated and puts forth an effort to be intimate and romantic towards you.

Take time to take the temperature of your marriage. Read both posts "Signs of a Happy Wife" and "Signs of a Happy Husband" and talk about where you fit in, where you agree, and even where you disagree. Remember it is important that you communicate and you pay attention to your spouse. Don't get too comfortable where you just let them go on empty and just drive on fumes.

Marriage takes work, but the work doesn't have to be a chore.

Praise is the outward expression of what God has done for us!

Praise unhindered is what God deserves and desires from us!

Praise is the act of grateful homage to God!

Praise, according to the dictionary is the act of expressing approval or admoration.

Praise is so amazing when it is a real and when you give it purely to God!

Marriage is a journey. This is one journey that I have been both happy and frightened to be on. I think the unknown has been the hardest thing for me to face. I have however been trying to read up on how to be more romantic, being more prayerful concerning my marriage, learning to shut up and listen to my wife more, and reading helpful blogs like andadamkneweve.blogspot.com; all these things have helped me learn that marriage takes work and intentional work.

I wanted to give both husbands and wives some awareness of what could be going on in their homes.
A lot of times we are so used to the routine, that we miss out on the important things. Husbands, one of the things I believe we need to be aware of is how our wives express their level of happiness with us. It isn't nearly ever just seeing her smile or bubbly, anyone can "act" that out or pretend; a happy wife I feel makes life in the home so much better. It could be just my home and my marriage, but I have heard that if the wife is happy everyone is happy.

What are some signs that you have a happy wife? Well I have identified five signs of a happy wife that you can attest to whether you agree or disagree with what I have found:

1. A Happy Wife Wants You To Come Home.
2. A Happy Wife Wants To Talk With You And Is Very Excited To Do It.
3. A Happy Wife Puts Love In The Meals She Makes For You.
4. A Happy Wife Is Happy To Have SEX and Is Conscious of It.
5. A Happy Wife Supports You and Your Dreams.

A happy wife wants you to come home is probably one of the most empowering and encouraging thing that a husband can experience. If we are out trying to be a good provider, working hard, and we come home; there is nothing more exciting to know that our wives are home waiting or on their way home with ENTHUSIASM. She wants you to be in her SPACE. She wants to get lost in your aura, breathe the same air that you breathe. A happy wife forgets (for the most part) about her stressful day, the craziness of life or the kids, and is relieved and secure when you are home. You can tell that she is happy you're home by the way she embraces you, or kisses you. She has set the atmosphere of the home you share for your arrival. Or that she simply asks you "how was your day honey," and it is sincere and you can feel the care and concern emanating from her. This is what we work our 9 to 5 for, to not only provide for our families, but to be greeted with care, to be loved, and yes to be secure in knowing our wives want to be around us. I get text messages from my wife saying, "I miss you and I can't wait for you to get home," when it is my late days at work. This is a vital sign in my opinion that your wife is happy.

A happy wife wants to talk to you and is excited to do it. I know some husbands might feel like they want their wives to be quiet. Let me tell you that a sure sign that your wife may not be pleased with you or the relationship is when she is quiet or she says, "I have nothing to say," or "nothing is wrong," this right here is a clear indication that husband and wife need to sit down and have a conversation. Remember husbands, we are not just looking for our wives to merely talk to us, but to be enthusiastic or excited to do so. We can make this an even greater experience if we are taking the time to listen; to listen attentively and actively to our wives when they speak. The more we listen husbands, and we are interested in what they are saying, the more she will be excited to talk to us. You get a true temperature of the house through your wives verbal and nonverbal cues. Most of us men do not always catch the nonverbal cues, so we have to be more aware of what she is saying verbally. Half of the battles we have to fight in our marriages could be avoided if we just listened more. If your wife is talking to you or wants to talk to you, and 65 percent or more of the content is random things, family things, happy things, or things that interest her; there is a good chance that your wife is happy and you have something to do with it.

A happy wife puts love in the meals she makes for you. If your wife can cook or at least boil some water, you better believe that she is happy when she puts love, thoughtfulness, care, and concern into the food you eat; what you put into your body, your overall health, and does it with enthusiasm. When someone puts love into the food they cook YOU CAN TASTE IT. It is a meal that satisfies you on all levels. She is happy to cook your food, she doesn't throw the plate on the table in front of you, she doesn't leave your food cold and lonely for you when you get home, she makes a meal and she loves to do it for you. Even if your wife does not cook or ladies you can't cook, you put thought and care into what you order, or you hire a chef, or you take him to the best restaurant. I don't care how she does it, you know you're wife is happy when she puts love, thought, concern, and care into the food you eat.

This probably should have went first (laughing loudly), but although it is number four on the list; this is very important. You know you have a happy wife when she WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU and she is CONSCIOUSLY PARTICIPATING. No one wants a sexless marriage (I should hope you don't want it.) And I bet it is safe for me to say husbands that you don't want sex when your wife is not into it or appears to be in another universe while you two are getting it on. I believe a healthy sex life is vital to a happy, healthy, and heavenly marriage. Even if it isn't every night or three times a week, at the very least both partners should be a part of the sexual experience, but husbands you definitely want your wife to be present and pleased. If you are not getting none or at least a few favors from your wife, it may be time to have a conversation. Ask your wife how she is feeling, if she is experiencing any changes on a hormonal level; does she need more romance, intimacy, foreplay (include lots of foreplay please), does she need more help with the kids; is work stressful, does she need a relaxing candle lit bath; whatever you don't ignore this and don't just sit around and wait for things to happen. Be proactive husbands, but also be humble and willing to talk about what the issue may be. Seriously healthy sex from a willing and enthusiastic spouse will make sex awesome and the experience it is meant to be. We all (man and woman) often think that sex is just physical, but I can tell you this it is mental, emotional, and most of all spiritual. And having an holistic climatic experience will make both people want to have that awesome experience over and over and over and over and over again. Happy wife equals a wife that wants to have sex with you and actively and honestly participates.

A happy wife supports you and your dreams. This is simple enough and doesn't need a long paragraph. A wife is meant to be your help meet. Your other whole half and with that comes the empowerment and encouragement you need to motivate yourself to reach your goals. A happy wife will do this without you asking and she won't even need to be present for you to feel it.

If you are missing these signs or feel like your wife are doing these things as a chore; it is time to evaluate your marital relationship and ask your wife how you both as a couple can change the weather in your home.

Marriage takes work, but most of the work can be fun and exciting.

When I got closer to becoming a husband officially was when I received the understanding of what it meant to truly be in love. I'm not saying that you have to get married to finally be in love, but I view marriage as the second ultimate commitment. You get a better understanding of being in love when you give your life to Christ and when you decide to commit your life to another person and it is a serious commitment.

The key to being in love is not the feeling, but rather the decision. The key lies in the decision to become committed to love, loving a person, deciding every single day to love the person your IN relationship with. "I have entered into covenant with Jesus and the Father and we are IN LOVE; we are COMMITTED and there for we are IN LOVE." "I love this person, I have romantic love for this person (Romantic Love includes Passion and Intimacy, but no commitment {Olson and Defrain}), I am in Fatuous Love with this person, (Fatuous Love has commitment and passion, but no intimacy {Olson and Defrain}), and I desire and will work for CONSUMMATE LOVE or love with commitment, passion, and intimacy {Olson and Defrain, 2003, Marriage and Families}.

When you say you're in love then you are saying you are PRESENT. You are in a state of consciousness with another person in whom you are committed to, passionate about, and have a level of intimacy with. You are AWAKE and you see clearly that being IN LOVE with them is being presently involved in the LOVE with the other person. You are not distracted by the attraction or infatuation with another person, but your focus is on loving the person you're in love with.

If you are in love with someone simply based on feelings, butterflies, sexual chemistry, puppy love, romantic love, etc; you are infatuated and not in love. But if you are conscious, committed, and connected to the person you love then you my friend are IN LOVE.

I am in love because I am committed to you. Commitment involves trust, honesty, dependability, and faithfulness. I am in love because I want to build these principles with you. Not only so, but I am also CONSCIOUS to being in love with you and I'm here, I am present, I am awake to this in love state mind, body, and soul.

You can fall in and out of infatuation and attraction, but to love doesn't stop and being in love is more than just a feeling, but being IN LOVE is a DECISION.

You may not agree with me, but I now understand that you can love someone and not be in love with them. I view it however much differently. When you're in love with someone it doesn't just fade away because it involves so much. We must get to a point where we just don't say things because it sounds good, but instead we understand the power of our words.

I'm conscious and aware of being in love with my wife. I love her, I'm in love with her, and I am infatuated with her.

Are you IN LOVE or are you infatuated?

First we must start with definitions. The dictionary defines love as, "a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person, a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend; sexual passion or desire, a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart, and used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like.

The dictionary defines being in love as an idiom (an expression whose meaning is not predictable from the usual meanings of its constituent elements); in love is to be infused with or feeling deep affection or passion or in love with, feeling deep affection or passion for (a person, idea, occupation, etc.); enamored of: in love with the girl next door; in love with one's work.

How do you define being in love? This is an age old statement that I have heard from people who are wildly into one another. The relationship is new and beautiful and everything seems to be going great for them. They have butterflies and they see, hear, smell no one but the person they are in love with. On the other side of this I have heard people say one of the worst statements in the world:

"I love you, but I am no longer in love with you." At first I did not believe that this was a possible occurrence. How is it possible to say you love someone, but you are no longer in love with them. Love is love right? That is what I thought.

Then I learned about Eros Love (Erotic Love), Philos Love (Brotherly Love), and the best LOVE of all Agape Love (Unconditional Love). I learned that people express love in different ways and that these three types of love were not marked just by a feeling, but by actions that expressed the level of love and feelings you have towards the person these types of love were directed too.

However I did not learn what the difference between being in love and just loving a person meant. I did learn that you can love a person on many different levels. I also kind of equate Eros Love with the body or physical love, Philos Love with the will and the mind (I CHOOSE to love you as a brother or sister or as a friend) and AGAPE love with the true HEART, the Will, the spirit (humanness),  and The Spirit (God's Will and Desire) (I love you with no strings attached and no conditions).

Still I did not know what it meant to be in love and not be in love with someone anymore. I know the phrase I love you but I'm not in love with you was meant to be a buffer to the pain I would feel from a break up, but it didn't stop the pain and only made me hurt worse. How could you love me and not be in love with me anymore.

It wasn't until After I loved, fell in love, and I decided to become committed to my fiancee, who is now my wife, that I fully understood the concept of being in love. And it has nothing to do with butterflies.

Up Next: What It Means to Be In Love Part II

I need to write more and I never have the opportunity to do it as much because my life is so very hectic at times. I really want to become a better writer, have lots of people read and follow my blog, inspire people, encourage relationships, and bring hope. I even someday hope to maybe even make a career out of writing...hopefully.

I do believe that one of the things that the life of relationships is missing is romance. Romance is the act of courting or wooing some one you adore. I don't think that we have enough romance going around. It doesn't always have to be expensive, elaborate, or fanciful all the time, but should always include thoughtfulness, passion, and selflessness. The act of being romantic is a selfless act or that you're doing this out of a loving desire to do something nice for the one you love, to help strengthen your relationship. A lot of times people think being romantic should be something done just to get something out of it. While there are benefits to showering your lover with gifts, poems, pampering, etc; I think romance and romantic gestures are more powerful when the motivation is from the heart.

I love you so much I want to romance you. I want you to feel special in some way, to know that I think of you as beautiful or handsome, outstanding, lovely, sexy, and I want to do that by giving you something that is completely pure, from my heart, and I hope it makes you feel the way that I intend for it to make you feel. I want you to feel love, feel loved, and that you are very special to me.

I have to admit that I have become less romantic lately and it has been hard for me to get my footing back. I am not absence to the idea of romance, but I do know that I'm not my old self. I want to get back to where I was, it was so natural, so fluid; it was second nature for me to be romantic. It isn't like I'm not romantic, but I know I'm not one hundred percent. This isn't fair to my wife and I do have this internal battle within myself because I know in this aspect of our life together I'm struggling.

I guess what I am saying is this, don't let romance die in your relationship! Romance can be so powerful and just for your lover to know that you're thinking of them and not just physically, but emotionally, and mentally. Romance if done correctly can effect all dynamics of the person being. Let the romance flow and let it flow freely.

Label as defined by the dictionary (I picked out the second and third definition) is 2. a short word or phrase descriptive of a person, group, intellectual movement, etc. 3. a word or phrase indicating that what follows belongs in a particular category or classification.

Why do we label? We do we label ourselves, our families (my closets cousin, my favorite brother), our friends (my best friend, my brother from another mother), our relationships (girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, wives, lover); why do we label and do we live up to those labels.

I ask this question because I feel like the world of relationships have become only defined by the labels we give them, better still by the labels other people give to them. I am recently married, I am very happy and I truly feel complete by the woman who has decided to marry me. We are human beings, we are man and woman, we are lovers, we are friends, but most people often label us as an interracial couple. We identify with the "label" of being married and the label of being "committed", but we don't identify with the label interracial. We never have and I don't think we will. We do like the label "BEAUTIFUL COUPLE."

I guess this is coming from a strange place, but it actually came from watching polyamorous people be in relationship with one another.  I'm watching the show Polyamory on Showtime and it is a great show. It has some nudity and sexual content, but I watch it because it gives a clue into the lives of people who seem to genuinely love one another and have these relationships that are full of love and (sex). However enriched it may seem these relationships are, it seemed that most of their lives/love has been classified by LABELS. I see these people try to prove to the world that there love is pure, but the label "polyamory or poly" seems to define them and the movement of their relationship.

Are labels necessary? Do they help progress the relationship and help the relationship become official?

Here's what I say...well I won't say it how I feel it, but FORGET LABELS! Be loved and have love.

Foreplay is what ignites the fire ladies and gentlemen or rather Husbands and Wives.

On average it takes a man 7 minutes to reach orgasm and it takes a woman about 20 minutes to reach orgasm. That means some extra steps have to be taken to get you both to a good place.

So everyone if you want to make sex important in your marriage again... Stop being selfish! It is OK to please one another. And while quickies can be awesome, it is not always a good thing for you to just jump into it. It is OK to TAKE YOUR TIME and LIGHT ONE ANOTHER'S FIRE.

Just read, "21 minutes of foreplay greatly increases the odds of women having an orgasm," I'm just saying men we like orgasms so why not help our wives enjoy them as well.

It is important that you understand married couples, that sex isn't always just going to happen. You can't always hope for it, you can't always schedule it, and there is no such thing as an ideal sex life. This is what you have, an opportunity to make your sex life the BEST it can be; do you want it? Closed mouths don't get fed. Communicate!

Joe's 3 Foreplay Suggestions:

1.) Sensation Game- Take turns touching one another with different things: hands, feathers, ice, lips, satin cloths, warming oil, etc. Describe the different sensations to your spouse. Avoid touching the genital areas, or sexual organs to help build anticipation. Want to get each other really turned on? Take turns Blindfolding one another and describe what you feel.

2.) Body Art- Go to a classy or tasteful adult store or I think you can find body paint in your local store in the aisle with the lube, oils, etc.; pick up some body paint. Of course you can also buy it online. Take time to paint one another, let your spouse's body become your canvass. Make them beautiful while sensually touching them, kissing them, and massaging them. Then once you've are all hot and painted, get down, go clean up, and get down again. If you want to spice it up you can get edible paint or paint each other with chocolate body paint.

3.) Sex Stories- Tell each other a story of how you would like to make love to one another or the things that you know really turn one another on. Or you can read written sex stories to one another until you are both are ready to bring the stories to life.

Even if you don't get this deep into the foreplay, just take some time to get to know you spouse's body and make them feel good. Light a fire in them and make them want you.
Please don't let sex become a low priority in your marriage and definitely don't let foreplay become a lost art.

Visit: bedsider.org, www.cosmopolitan.com, http://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/foreplay-and-sex-tips, http://www.the-intimate-couple.com/sexual-foreplay-tips.html

Enjoy the Married Life Sex

If there wasn't a time for me to hear a WORD from you Lord it is now! I can't just hear the preacher preach on Sunday, or the prayers of a friend, or be led into worship by a worship song or worship group; Lord I need to see your face, I need to feel every breath you take, I need to be in your presence as you speak a WORD to me.

I need you to speak a WORD into my very situation.

I need you to speak a WORD into my MARRIAGE.

I need you Lord, I need you to speak a WORD to the pain that I am enduring.

I need you to speak a WORD to the pain I must endure.

Lord God, I have been deaf to you speaking for such a long time. God please save me, clean up my soul, clean this vessel, God, ABBA, Father, Sovereign God, please God please sit down next to me and speak a WORD into my life! Lord God please speak every WORD that is present in my story.

I need to see your face Lord. I need to see your face God. I need you to speak right to me God. I want to hear from you God. I need the WORD, I need a WORD Lord to come from you. I need a WORD of comfort. Heal my confusion God and guide my feet.

I want to be intimately involved with you God as you map out my life and the WORD you speak is a light to my path. I am overwhelmed God.

I am overwhelmed Lord God, I am so overwhelmed, overwhelmed God, overwhelmed God by life, by situations, by failure, by hurt, pain, fear, anxiety; God I am so overwhelmed. I pray you see Father that I need a WORD from you.

Lord God cover every word that I may speak with Your WORD. Cover my words Lord with Your WORD.

I believe you can give me a WORD. Speak in my life Bread of Life. Reveal to me the WORD that became FLESH. Show me that nothing else matters and nothing else will do. God I need a WORD from you.

Speak Lord and Speak True.

Lord I beg you to Speak a WORD to me.

Note: This is just a post of my opinion. While I may include some facts or statistics, this post is just my opinion. Enjoy!

Before people got married they seemed to have  had a lot of sex! When they were just married they were having sex with one another. (Sin or no Sin they were doing the nasty.) They get married and it is no longer a sin to sex and boom nothing! I mean you never see individuals in movies or TV shows who are married say, "Oh my goodness we are having so much sex;" instead you hear people say we used to have an incredible sex life, but after we got married we just stopped. I have not seen or heard a clear justification as to why this happens, why making love for married people is no longer a top priority, why sex stopped being important to married couples?

Truly I am very confused by this, this to me is an extremely disturbing phenomenon. I know that people blame it on work, they blame it on stress, they blame the children, they blame it on the temperature of the house; everyone is blaming, but no one is trying to fix this. I am truly perplexed that you're married and now you have sex once a month, once every three months, once a year???

According to this quote below however this post right here may be irrelevant. One of my favorite sex experts Dr. Laura Berman says, "“Studies have found that married people have more sex than single people, and they also have more varied sex,” (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/13/marriage-sex_n_1422644.html) You can check out the good doctor on the OWN network In the Bedroom with Dr. Laura Berman. (I love her).

Dr. Phil.com says:

Married couples say they have sex an average of 68.5 times a year. That's slightly more than once a week. — Newsweek

Married people have 6.9 more sexual encounters per year than people who have never been married. — Newsweek

15 to 20 percent of couples have sex no more than 10 times a year, which experts define as a sexless marriage. — Newsweek

20 to 30 percent of men and 30 to 50 percent of women say they have little or no sex drive. — USA Today

25 percent of all Americans (a third of women and a fifth of men) suffer from a condition known as hypoactive sexual desire (HSD), which is defined as a persistent or recurring deficiency or absence of sexual fantasies or thoughts, or a lack of interest in sex or being sexual. — Psychology Today.

No matter what anyone is saying, whether you're having a lot of sex in your marriage (Yay you) or you're in a drought, the point I'm making is this, SEX IS IMPORTANT IN MARRIAGE!

If someone tells you that you don't need to have sex to have a happy marriage, I want you to LAUGH LOUDLY in there face and let them know that they can live in the darkness, but as for me and my spouse we are going to get our sex on. It is OK to romance your husband or wife, to touch each other, to kiss all over one another, to desire your husband's or wife's body, it is OK to make love to one another; to have hot sweaty sex, to get creative in the bedroom for one another, YES it is OK to have sex in your marriage and YES it is VERY important to have sex.

I guess the question was when did sex stop being important to married people? I believe when it stop being important to the people married to one another. No One Can Set the Tone for Your Marriage but YOU and YOUR SPOUSE! And that goes for what happens in your sex life!!!!

It stop being important when you stopped making it a priority! You can't put work, school, children, bills, etc.; as priorities and forget to make SEX a priority in your marriage as well. I'm not saying put it first, but I'm definitely saying not to put it last.

I'm going to do a blog on the benefits of sex and also some tips to light the sexual fire in the bedroom.

Bottom line: Married people don't stop making sex important in your marriage. It is very important. It helps connect you both to one another. It is more than just an orgasm or a climax (those are AWESOME), but it is also about the physical and spiritual connection to one another. It let's your spouse know that you want them and you care about pleasing them.

Please don't let sex stop being important in your marriage. Please.
 

 

JUST PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT RIGHT NOW AND stop TRYING TO LIVE YOUR LIFE THE WAY EVERYONE ELSE IS LIVING THEIRS.

STOP WITH FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF AND STOP WITH THE COMPLAINING ABOUT HOW BAD YOUR LIFE IS!

STOP CRYING OVER SOMEONE THAT DOESN'T WANT YOU!

STOP WITH THE FOOLISHNESS AND GROW UP!

STOP

stop

Stop

So I have been enjoying the married life. Journal I promise you that being married to the love of my life has been so amazing. Here's the thing though the moments of sadness that randomly appear; I thought had something to do with me feeling alone, I'm thinking now that they would go away, but the sad moment came.

Journal they came at the wrong moment though at least I think. My wife and I were having romantic movie Tuesday watching an all time favorite, "As Good As It Gets," starring Jack Nickelson and Helen Hunt. As we were watching the movie I just got very sad and actually had to sneak in a few silent, but very loud tears. I can't really say why I was sad though, but it was so overwhelming.

Here I am journal holding my wife, hearing her heart beat, and watching a great movie, but I'm crying very loud quiet. I think some times the sadness I feel has nothing to do with me and other times I feel like I'm sad because there is just so much healing that is happening in my mind and heart. I can't say where the sadness comes form, but I do know that it feels amazing when I let the tears flow.

So what happens when you actually need to have moments of sadness?

So...

In 11 days I will be a happily married man!
I have to say that for a while I didn't think that I was going to reach this point...EVER!

But here I am, by the Grace and Blessing of Jesus, I have found my one and I have to say I'm TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH HER!

I never got around to explaining what being in love truly means, but I will find the time to blog soon.  But I am in love with her and the thoughts of making her my wife helps me do better I promise.

I just want to do right by my marriage. I want God to bless my marriage and bless my wife so much that tears sometimes fall when I pray about it. I want our marriage to be an example to everyone.

I'M GETTING MARRIED

I woke up this morning to talk with God as I do every day. I got in my car and turned on some preparation music. This morning I listened to "Show Me Your Face," by Fred Hammond. I was trying to get to a place where I could talk to God and through faith and hope He would speak back to me. As I was praying I felt a praise develop on my heart and on my mind.
I thanked God for waking me up this morning in my right mind.

I thanked Him for the activity of my limbs.

I thanked Him that all five of my senses were working.

I thanked Him for my future wife. I love her.

I thanked Him for my son. I love him too.

I thanked Him for my friends.

I thanked Him for my parents.

I thanked Him for being God all by himself.

In the midst of all this thanking I thought about the very two principles and commandments that help me keep my faith in the faith and in my walk with Christ: "And he answering said, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbour as thyself," (Luke 10:27).

A very powerful tool that we Christians have is the ability to LOVE. And everything and I mean everything is brought together when we LOVE GOD with everything we have and when we LOVE OUR FELLOW MAN as we love ourselves.

So Lord today I tell you publicly that I love you with everything I have. I want to develop a deep and close relationship with You that goes beyond the surface. Teach me how to LOVE you God and show me what I must do to gain Your trust, Your favor, and Your affection towards me.

I love You God so much and I will also work hard to love my enemies, my family, my friends, and all the people around me.

I Love You Lord

“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

 Jesus replied: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.  All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments," Matthew 22:36-40

There are times when we need to evaluate; evaluate our jobs, evaluate our friends, and may be even evaluate the foods that we eat. Here is the issue I often have with my fellow man (men and women), we never evaluate whether we are ready to be in a relationship.
We enter into relationships honestly just for the sake of being in a relationship, but then we end up unhappy and full of strife. The truth is though if we would just take a moment and ask ourselves if we are truly ready for a relationship.

I'm going to blog a little more about this topic, but I just want to introduce it to my readers.

Here are three things that you should evaluate before getting into a new relationship:

1. Has God cleared you to enter into a new relationship?

2. Are you emotionally ready to enter into a relationship?

3. Are you mentally ready to be in a relationship?

A lot of times we believe that if we are single and not with anyone that automatically makes us a contender for a relationship. We also believe that we are relationship ready because we are often physically compatible with another person and sexually deprived. Let me be very clear this does not make us relationship ready. Physical intimacy and sex does not make you ready for a relationship.

Take time and evaluate if you're ready to be in a relationship and take a look at the three domains above. Again I will elaborate more on this topic soon, but I just had to put it out there. Give you something to chew on.

"This is my boyfriend" "Everyone this is my girlfriend."

Let's just say that the two statements here are spoken by a couple, male and female, been in a relationship for 3 years, and they are 28, and 34.

That is not their pants or waist size, but those numbers represent their ages. Three years of being in a relationship, possibly living together, may have been intimate on many levels, paying bills together, and saying the powerful words, "I love you."

This sounds very beautiful, but there is one drastic flaw to this, they are still calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend! Here is the bottom line, is there ever a time or an age when you are just too old to still be called or considered some one's boyfriend or girlfriend?

When is enough enough? This is the question that I am often asked or this is what comes up when people are getting tired of being clustered into the category of what seems to be the perpetually comfortable terminology of girlfriend, boyfriend, or we are just dating.

JUST DATING!? Seems to me if we have been in a relationship for over a year, living together, having sex, etc... we are doing a lot more than just dating, and please don't throw in having children together.

When do we evolve? When does our relationship grow past the childhood past time of just going steady? Is this what I have to look forward to for the rest of my life? Is this the title that I'm worthy of? Am I too damn old to be called some one's girlfriend? Am I too old to just be your boyfriend?

If there is no time limit on how long you should be in a relationship with someone before you grow or move on, is there an age limit? When is enough enough? I know marriage isn't where everyone wants to go or wants to be, but someone needs to come up with a different title to call me.

After a certain age it is just completely cumbersome to still be considered just a girlfriend or boyfriend right?

We either need a new title or get into some GROWN UP relationships.

I'm just blogging.

Too Old For the Kiddy Pool.

I just will never grasp the people who are fixated in targeting and being in relationships with people who are already taken. I'm not talking to the men and women who have been tricked or lied too; you are partly excused. I say partly excused because the truth eventually comes out and you stay? That is another blog post for another day.

I just want to figure out though why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who is already married or already in a committed relationship. I understand the relationship anxious, who have psyched themselves into believing that it is better to be with someone who is emotionally invested with someone else, so that you can get yours and send them home, but I'm concerned for the men and women who have been tricked into believing that they will leave their spouse for YOU!!!

Why put yourself through that level of pain and anguish? RELATIONSHIPS are already tumultuous enough between two people! Why on earth would you want to subject yourself to such unnecessary emotional stress and destruction? You honestly believe that you matter to them? It is possible I am being judgmental, cynical, and downright pessimistic, but you have to forgive me on this one. I'm tired of seeing you in fairy tale world; saying things like, "she loves me," or "he is just putting on an act he really hates her," or "he/she will leave them for me."

It isn't going to happen and if it does they will leave them for someone else and STILL make you the OTHER PERSON!

I have a friend who would say this to you, "Accept your position as the jump off and stop trying to be the wife," Tough but true.

I will say this though, "You don't want to be at the bottom of the stable go find your own rider."

jwriter
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So I am truly convinced that there is something wrong with me. It is unbelievable how unstable my heart and mind can be.

On one side I'm really happy, especially since I'm about to see my girl Jill Scott in concert. The other side I feel like I want to crawl in a hole and just isolate for eternity.

This is my life on a daily basis.

So...

There are just some things that are hard to get over despite your best efforts; losing a loved one, losing a relationship, losing a friendship, losing a lot of friendships, and other losses that I could list. I think that you fix your mind to believe that you're over the hurt or pain of something until nostalgia hits you or you travel onto a website or web page, a book, a picture, facebook post, etc; then you're spiraling back into what you believe you left behind.

I can never imagine just getting over these things and although I have found away to cope, to ignore, or to breathe; there is just some piece of your heart that will be fixated on the pain. I wish that everything would be OK and everything was perfect, but the reality is it won't be. You move on, they move on, things move on, people move on; so we just need to get over it. Just get over it right?

This is just a quick comment I posted on my last post in response to a reader who stated that I should read the God Delusion. I know most people don't go back and read comments so I wanted to share and get your thoughts.

"I would have to say that I don't look at faith the way you do and that is OK. I love to pray and I enjoy having a conversation with God. Although you say there is no God, I believe there is and I believe that He loves us all; whether we believe in Him or we believe He is a delusion. I believe that we all have our moments of doubts because of the unknown or that it is so hard to believe or have faith in someone we can't see or feel, but that is just a defense mechanism and fear. If people never ventured out into the unknown we wouldn't have reached the moon, or discovered how to operate on a damaged heart or brain, discovered technology, etc. So I challenge you to try the unknown, try something that doesn't make sense, and see the results. Believing in Jesus for me has been AMAZING!!!!"

So journal it has been an amazing few months; aside from all the wedding planning, working like a slave, building a continuous relationship with the woman I love, and just trying to enjoy life. No one told me that wedding planning would be this difficult. I just can't wait to be married and truly enjoy being married to an amazing woman.

All of this change has had me thinking journal about what I want to do with my life. I am so tired of holding myself back and this is why I am ready to make some serious moves. I truly want to save the relationships and marriages of everyone I can. I want to do that through a number of things; books, seminars, blogging, websites, speaking; I want to do this because I believe in relationships. I also want to do this because I can't keep sitting on the gifts that God has given me. I surely can't keep letting all that extra money go away because I won't step out on faith.

So to all that read this be on the look out for what the jwriter will be bringing your way. Pray for my success and pray that I don't give up.

Also pray for my wedding and for the success of my marriage. I am very much in love.

So...

The heart doesn't seem to know when to let go of love that hurts, hurtful words, hurtful memories, and love lost. I have trouble understanding my heart or the heart problems of others. Why don't we have the ability to control our heart? My heart betrays me on so many levels that I often wish that I could just randomly shock it and cause it a lot of pain.

Why does the heart hold on to painful experiences and seem to long for them? I sat and watch my heart and mind be moved by the memories of pain and actually seem to yearn for pain. I'm so tired of this heart of mine; it has been trouble for me for many years and I am sick of it!

What do you do when your HEART won't let GO?!

Thank you all who read and follow me! I thank you for reading this blog and I THANK YOU ALL for FOLLOWING this blog. Please continue to follow me, leave comments, and tell other people about this blog. I look forward to blogging more and I hope that when you come here you leave with something that helps you.

Thank You Again So Much

Think Like A Man was an awesome movie! I was quite impressed with the acting, the plot, and even the comedy scenes. The movie seriously gave me a jolting epiphany; after one character stated that he could, "give up a little of this so-called freedom in order to be held, kissed, loved, and have someone to go home to."

I've never had a problem understanding the power of being with someone and loving the feeling you get when you're with a person you love and coming home to them, but it is even more powerful to come to the conclusion that you can give up the freedom to go where you want to go or do what you want to do; you can give this all up so that you can be with the one you love.

I can't promise you when you're in a relationship you won't have moments of loneliness, but I will tell you this it can help you get over the illusion of freedom.

The illusion of freedom.

I am a man of action, but I am more so a man of reaction. I spend more time planning out my reaction to something and end up remorseful or hurt that I reacted the wrong way. All this week I have been praying that I become a man who is constantly reflecting and evaluating, rather than being a man who just reacts to things.

Prayerfully I hope that I take action to change this behavior. To stop having a reaction as to why people don't support me like they may support others, or why I don't have things like other people have, or better still why my life isn't how I imagined it. Instead I want to learn to thank God for everything that he has given me and for the things that he did not allow to come into my life. I need to evaluate how I treat people and also learn how to improve upon the things that I do so people will WANT to support me or support what I do.

I think that more than anything I need to constantly reflect on my relationship with Christ and react, no respond to His continued love and grace that He shows to me and trust him in providing, blessing, and favoring me.

Thank you Jesus for Reflection and not Reaction.

So Journal...

Things have been pretty crazy these last couple of weeks. Issues with family, relationship ups and relationship downs, a huge issue with my place of employment which has had me stressed, feelings of helplessness concerning being unable to help my friends in need, wedding planning stress, and the list just goes on and on. I have been trying to hold it all together but I have not been as successful in doing so.

I really just want things to be perfect. I know that it is totally impossible for things to be perfect, but that is what I have been dreaming of. Journal, I don't want to fail and lately I have been feeling like a failure. I think apart of it has been the overwhelming stress that life seems to be throwing at me, but I also believe that it has been because I have lost focus on WHO is important. I have lost focus on God.

So Journal here I am after 6 months of being in isolation, God revealed to me clearly that I had to put Him first and love Him with everything I have. I come out of that experience and back into the world as I know it with a new lease on life; like I always do however I become comfortable in my own pig pin, and I get wrapped up in the endless void of worry and frustration. God is just waiting for me to give Him my full and undivided attention; waiting for me to cast my cares up Him, and stop waiting for things to just be better. He is waiting for me to truly trust Him to see me through and not just falsely hoping for a change with my fingers crossed.

There is hope though! And today I feel so much better. I had some good old fashion conversation, I did some forgiving, I asked for lots of forgiveness, and I just stopped worrying. I prayed and I let God have all my cares. And I feel much better.

I can't worry about everything and I can't let life beat me up. Jesus came that I might have life and have it more abundantly. We have to choose how to live abundantly and not just think the abundant life is given.

So...

My Brothers,

Will we ever be able to fully understand women? Will we ever understand the women we love, the ones we call family, the women we call our boo, will we ever ever ever understand them? I find myself wondering this because I constantly find myself lost and confused when it comes to grasping the complexities of the woman and her emotional well-being. I have no idea how to navigate this perplexing pathway of plundering perils, but I know I better learn and I mean learn FAST.

Every time I think I get close to figuring these fascinating and beautiful creatures out, I find myself right back at start and I can't pass go and I can't collect two hundred dollars. They are often on two ends of the spectrum, really happy and pleasant or truly pissed off and disgusted with us men. Who will help me overcome this injustice? Who has an accurate barometer that can measure the mood and the will of these women.

I need some help my brothers because again I'm drowning over here.

I wish I could understand or see the motives and intention of the people around me. To be honest even some of the intentions and motives of some of the people I call friend. I don't know where this sudden influx of paranoia stems, but I can't shake the feeling of individuals smiling in my face, but dogging me all at the same time. How would I react if I knew how people really felt about me?

I know that you can't make people love you or treat you the way you treat them, but I can wish can't I? I really feel like some thing is coming, but I can't put my finger on it.

I wish we could all just get a long. I wish we can all just be real. And I wish that we would all just get along.

I'm really truly happy that I am going to be marrying my best friend and the love of my life. I honestly can't thank God enough for sending me such an incredibly beautiful woman in my life, a woman who loves me for me, and who is also very much in love with me.

She loves me with all my flaws. She doesn't hide me from those close to her and she embraces me even to the people that don't matter.

However,

The closer that I get to the point of being married the more afraid I become. It isn't that I am getting cold feet, but rather it is the feeling of failure that scares me the most. I thought I had moments of being alone before; the alone I felt then compares nothing to the alone I feel now. It really appears that I have no one EARTHLY to turn to to talk about this overwhelming anxiety I feel. I hear only that things are going to be ok or "God has prepared you for this moment," or it's just natural.

None of these things are a comfort for me and I honestly would rather have someone jam a stick in my ear and burst my ear drum or be confined in a room full of sneezing, smelly, homeless people than for one more person to tell me I'm going to be ok.

I didn't realize the responsibility and the mantle I would have to carry. I understand now why Paul said in the Bible that when you become a man you must speak and act like one and put away childish things. A child can't walk in this responsibility and be sane.

I just wish other married men or some man in general that understands this fear of not being able to care for you family, or fear of failing them on a spiritual level, fear of failing them on a financial level; someone just open up and be real with me. I trust God and I know he will prepare me, but for someone to be transparent with me and show some darn empathy would be mighty helpful.

I am Sick of all these self-righteous idiots running around quoting scriptures and flaunting religion like it is a sexy masturbatory aide. I need some real Christian men to just talk to me about this transition from singleness to marriage; discuss in detail their fears, and stop letting me drown in this ocean.

I know I'm not going to fail and with Christ nothing is impossible. Please don't lecture me I have had enough professors. I just need someone to talk real with me and be transparent.

The Closer I get to you the more I see my flaws. The good thing about all this though is that I'm learning that I need Christ more and more.

Love is definitely so different to me now that I know what it truly is. I'm still not ready to reveal my thoughts on being in love just yet, but I do believe that I'm in love for real now.

I want to tell you so much about it, but I have t get back to work.

I just fell Asleep and what woke me up was the worst funk in the world.

I really angry someone has offended my nose in such away and leave me afraid.

No seriously I feel weak because the smell has singed my nose hairs.

Great now I can see who the funk bandit is.

I knew that it could be bad, but I never imagined that I would rather be squished by a 400 pound woman jumping off of a high dive. It is so stressful, well that was until my future and I decided to seek assistance and a whole team of professionals to help us get this done. I have peace of mind, but the money continues to drain away because a wedding is not without cost.

Honestly though I'm just ready to marry the love of my life and love her for the rest of my life.

I should really be working right at this moment, especially since I have a mountain of paperwork due. I have in fact been working, out in the field, knocking on doors, fighting bugs, heat, and whatever; trying to change lives and hopefully the world. I honestly however would prefer to be at home asleep. I would rather be sleeping and not looking at a notebook full of progress notes that need to be done or thinking about my busy schedule.

Well Blogger tricked me and had me thinking I had four hundred post, but actually they were also counting my drafts!!! I'm so angry so the next few post will be kind of random and maybe fluff just so I can get back to 400 because it is such a better number.

So like I told you my favorite blog readers my friend Krys who has a relationship blog called KrysInTheCity, has responded to my last post. Please enjoy and be looking out for more:

"All you need is love," says the famous John Lennon. William Shakespeare claims, "The course of true love never did run smooth". Then you have an anonymous person that declares, "Love is EVOL (evil)". What do I make of this you ask? That everybody has different opinions of love- what it means, how it looks, what it feels like, where it comes from, and so on.


Do we really know how to love? Unless you were raised by a pack of senseless wolves, I think that everybody has the capability to love and feel loved. Granted the person raised by wolves would define love as sniffing one's rear, love is love and its all the same! Are there some out there that misconstrue love with lust, or confuse love with social status? Of course. But there is a percentage out there that are wholeheartedly capable of giving genuine love. There is an even smaller percetage that actually live out those romance novels. I hate them. Just joking!

Are we capable of loving sacrificially? This question truly stuck out like a sore thumb for me! When one truly falls in love, things get out of order. In other words, priorities change; some for the better and some for the worse. Some people completely push their friends and family out of the picture when that special one comes along and it causes major damage. Is it possible to maintain a healthy balance between sacrificial love and other loved ones JSpot? What are your thoughts?

This blog post is dedicated and goes out to the awesome blogger: Krys. I can't wait to read your response to this. Don't hide your wonderful talent from the world any longer! We need more beautiful writing/writers in this world; even if it is just a blog.

Do we really know how to love Krys? I have learned over the last several years of failed relationship after failed relationship that either I have not even approached the shore of what romance novels; with their hot and steamy sex scenes, crazy romantic climaxes, and powerful endings, what love is and that quite possibly I have been just living in the sea of fake love while real love remains an unreachable island. I ask this question because maybe these relationships failed because I gave up on them, I didn't truly love them, or I was completely ignorant to how I was supposed to love them. What do you think? LOL!

Love never fails and it "endures all things," right? I'm perplexed at the notion that I could have been spared all the pain and sorrow of failed relationships, unwilling friend requests that lead to unhealthy romances, church-intimate relationships that blow up in your face, text messaged break-ups that leave you confused; a broken heart, lots of baggage, painful heart attacks, drowning in my tears; the darn list goes on and on, but I could have avoided all this crap if I just didn't use the fated words "I love you," said Joey as he signed away his sanity to yet another failed relationship all in the name of what I thought was LOVE?

True love is sacrificial and unconditional. Are we capable of loving another person this way? Krys are we able to be romantically involved with someone and love them unconditionally and sacrificially? If we use the words I love you, which by the way are MORE powerful than "I'm in love with you," can we truly love someone this way? Possibly I think we are on some large microscopic level only able to love lustfully and superficially. I want to believe that we are capable of such love on our own but the truth is...

We are unable to love a man or a woman this way without some help. Who can help us? God is actually the only one who can help us love another person, shoot to love people unconditionally. We have to make the choice Krys to love someone sacrificially. I've been enlightened and to be honest once you discover this level of love and you understand what love is, then you don't ACCEPT anything and you LOVE with every thing you HAVE and this time Krys this time we don't LOSE.

No more text or email break ups for me.

Krys what do you think?

So it has been like forever since I have posted on my blog and to tell you the truth I haven't had the time to sit down and write. So much has been going on, this may just be a long post, but on the other hand I don't even know if I have the energy to write. First and foremost I am getting married and I am no longer on the journey of dating; this was not particularly an easy process, but I'm not going to talk about the past at this moment in blog. I will however be talking about my beautiful future wife. She is utterly amazing and honestly an unexpected treasure in my life. On one side family I am so very happy to be at this place, to be loved, to be in love (I have an interesting take on what being in love in means, but once again another blog.), she makes me very happy, I'm getting married, I'm steps away from being able to be a provider, a life long friend, life long lover, and walk in the garden of God's amazing gift of marriage and of course the guilt free.

The interesting thing of all this besides the planning, the honeymoon, and just our marriage has been a welcomed challenge and a gift, but the thing that has been the most awe inspiring thing is that she has made it possible for me to see how someone can love you and your imperfections. I didn't know preparing to become a husband would make clear the imperfections that envelope me, I can see them very clear now, and I also understand on some level what it means to love your wife life Christ loves the church. God loves me as I am and loves me unconditionally; it appears even before she said yes that she loves me and all my flaws.

This new view and this new perspective on my life romantic and otherwise; I'm learning that I am afraid, unprepared, and utterly begging God to see that I have to rely on HIM because I am so very afraid of failing HIM, failing her, and failing my new family. So with that being said I have also had a number of promotions at my job, and now I'm also on a whole new team

So did I mention I'm getting MARRIED!!!!!

So...

I just want to thank all of my followers. I want to thank the ones that have been with me since inception and to thank my new followers too. I thank you for your support and that you come by and read my blog and comment means a lot. I can't thank you enough.

Just to let you know I have just finished my script for a new Stage Play: The Struggle to Joy. I'm crazy excited about this because I've only written on my blog for years and the last play I co-wrote was 3 years ago. So be on the look out for the play and if you're able to come out and support please do so.

Thanks Again and know I love you and Christ Loves you too.

Dear Journal,

So I'm truly just in an incredible place of sadness and confusion. It is unbelievable where I am right now and that the second that I feel like I am making progress I find myself going twelve steps back. I appreciate that God is (or I hope that He is) exposing me to my Ugly Truth- showing me the things that I need to change and get rid of and these things are so hard for me to see. It hurts to see myself so EXPOSED! I feel so vulnerable and I don't like what I see.

My biggest reaction is to completely shut off because I want to be seen in a certain light and it KILLS me when I learn that people view me differently. I can't move or shake the feeling of wanting to run away. It kills me to know that my actions have in fact caused someone to be irreversibly hurt and even HATE me. That kills me and although I subconsciously "accept" that my apology won't fix it, but it kills me consciously and in my heart; to my very core. It hurts even more when I have to see that person every day.

I'm in a bad place and I don't know how to get out of it journal.

So...

Kubler-Ross describes the stages of grief and loss as: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. These stages appear to be linear, but I also believe that people can pass back and forth between these stages. I also believe that people can become stagnate in one of these stages before moving forward or going backwards. The hardest stage however to reach or to remain within to me is ACCEPTANCE.

The hardest thing for me to do is to move towards acceptance; especially if I believe that my character or my integrity is being "attacked." I struggle with being told something I didn't want to hear about myself and I experience an introspective loss so to speak and I have to go through these stages of grief. I often times get stuck in a place of anger and express it very defensively.

It is so hard for me to reach acceptance because of the pain I have to endure introspectively to get to a place of acceptance that I need to change something of me.

A lot of times I struggle accepting that I need to change because of the battle I have fought to destroy my insecurities for many years and to build up the idea that this is me and you have to accept it. Don't get me wrong; I don't fight change and I accept that I need to change, but it is the process of changing who I believe I am is what it hard.

I know that you need to change and that without change you don't grow, but does the process have to be so difficult?

Accepting the difficult process that comes with change will be the most difficult thing to accept.

No one told me that relationships were truly a lot of work. I don't mean just the "commercialized" or "romanticized" versions of the work that comes with relationships, but the truly down and dirty work that comes with two people coming together and trying to make a relationship work.

Day in and day out I find myself successfully content, but morbidly depressed that there is more work to being in a relationship than just a few romantic dates, sending flowers, remembering birthdays, and being a great kisser. I feel like I have been duped and bamboozled by the painful realization that relationships actually seem to take energy mind, body, and soul; this is critically draining and it feels as if at times I don't have the fortitude to endure what is required of me.

Performance pressure?

Performance anxiety?

Those are definitely no longer terms just associated with men being unable to get an erection or prevent premature ejaculation. I'm not saying that I want to give up on being in a relationship or being in love, but I definitely will say that I need to find a happy medium and unfortunately I'm trying to stay away from the booze.

Maybe this should have been a Dating PTSD post, but then again I'm just talking.

I thank God for my friends. I don't think my friends realize the magnitude of their hospitality or their subtle kindness. They may think that it is just watching tv or some shows, but it is so much more. I don't think I thank God enough for my friends. I just thank Him because they have been really great to me and I just get a piece of mind. And God only knows how much I need a peace of mind.

I thank You LORD for how wonderful you are to me.

Thank You Lord for my friends.

Cheating is never an easy thing to deal with and being in a relationship is already difficult; learning a person, staying motivated to be romantic and caring; sharing families, building dreams together, and bad breath; all of these things make a relationship tough. Out of no where you add cheating to the equation and you have Armageddon.

The thing that angers me the most about cheaters are their excuses:

"I didn't mean too,"

"I love you but you haven't been there for me,"

"It was an accident,"

"Life has just been hard and they were there for me,"

All of these are just the stupidest things you can hear, but I'm not here to talk about the excuses or the cheaters; it is time to talk about how to overcome.

Quick list to deal with or overcome being cheated on:

1. Don't blame yourself.

2. Refrain from trying to rationalize the cheating.

3. Wait until you're ready to hear the truth before asking the offender what happened.

4. Please don't think getting revenge will help you get over the hurt of being cheated on.

5. If you're going to forgive please forgive and don't keep bringing it back up.

6. If you know you'll be unable to forgive please don't hold on to the relationship.

7. Avoid trying to confront the cheaters in anger but confront them when you're able to handle it adult like and openly express your feelings.

8. Take some time to heal, even if you decide to stay don't put on a front, don't put on face, don't be in denial, take some time to heal.

9. Go back to loving you and understanding how you can be a better person and how you can move forward.

10. Pray and truly ask God to help you heal and learn to trust again.

I know that it may take a lot more than these steps to truly heal and be free from the pain of cheating, but don't let it stop you from living or turn you into something you're not.

Dating PTSD we can overcome it...

I'm going to be writing a lot on acceptance soon, but I wanted to touch on a little of what I talked about in my post on cheating. Like I stated we know that the person is a cheater or going to hurt us, but we choose not to accept it. We only come to terms with the reality of the situation AFTER reality HITS us hard. We have to start looking at acceptance in its face and running when it says to run.

I don't know if I'm making much sense because I've just really encountered acceptance in a whole new light. We think accepting people for who they are gives the green light for them to treat us any kind of way. And people who expect or DEMAND to be accepted for who they are thinks that they have the right to screw people over. We have to do better people. Snapped is a real show and women are not the only ones SNAPPING.

Accept the fact that we have to do better.

jspotwriter

I actually tweeted "I had the best night of my life and sex was not involved." That tells you one of two things, either I've had a large reduction in the hormone testosterone hence now I'm an emasculated eunuch, or I've just been so caught up in sin the one night where I don't find myself in trouble and full of guilt and shame I have to equate to how amazing sex is!?!?!

I'm hopelessly lost or just need to truly go to bed. Listen I'm trying to get back on the right path and leave the horizontal mamba alone; until I can find a wife, marry her, and have what I like to call the "guilt free." That's sex with no guilt and shame after you've had the most amazing Orga...wait there may be young people reading this and I did put in the blog address “4christ” (smh). Forgive me, but I am being honest and to one day be MARRIED and have MIND BLOWING MARITAL SEX and NO GUILT is definitely my dream come true (no pun intended). I tell you this it would have been a great close to one enjoyable night though! Ah the simple things in life.

jspotwriter
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